living water

(...sometimes i forget how thirsty i am)

lately i've been a tad bit overwhelmed, to say the least. life is throwing me some big stuff, and i'm choosing to play rather than sit out, and to be honest, it's downright scary. in my heart of hearts, i know things will work out on all accounts: what 'work out' means, though, i'm not sure. i have my worldly idea of what i'd like it to work out like, but i also know i've had a lot of ideas in the past that then, seemed great, but now in hindsight i can see were not the best plans for me. the greatest news of all, and the most comforting news, is that i live under the shadow of the Lord who does know exactly what will work out for me for the best. so, i have a peace knowing that i am not flying 100% solo out here, in life and love, and that at the end of the day, my heart is well tended by my One true love.

that said, life is still scaring the pants off me.

miss l and i were talking yesterday, about God and the Spirit, and she touched on the idea of knowing when something was missing in her life; she referenced the idea of being thirsty, of just knowing that she needed or craved something which, without, her body wouldn't survive. this reminded me a lot of my current struggle, which is to not give in to my worldly fears, but to rest in the eternal glory that is the plan of the Lord.

and it reminded me of water.

as you may know, i'm going to hawaii in just a few short weeks (like, 38 days to be exact). of course, i'm going to be in a swimsuit for those 9 days there, so i'm doing my best to watch what i eat, and do all that typical, pre-vacation diety stuff. part of that includes upping my water intake, by like, a LOT. (in reality, this is just a good, healthy habit i'm trying to start, but the trip is a good excuse).

now, this is how this whole 'water' thing works for me: in the morning, i want coffee. not for caffeine, but for taste (i'm a decaf girl). i like two cups, and i like it with cream, no sugar. and if i had my way, i'd like a diet soda at lunch, and other fun drinks throughout the day. however, i know that my body gets absolutely zero nourishment (and lots of calories!) from these other fun drinks, and while they temporarily satisfy me, i know my body functions very, very well when i feed it what it really needs: water. my stomach feels better, my skin looks better, i have better energy, it's just an all around good feeling (i know this, ps, cause i've been a good water drinker for the past two weeks!).

however, to be candid, sometimes drinking water is just a pain. at work, i have to go downstairs to get filtered water. i fill it with ice, which then makes it super cold and harder to drink. cold water makes me cold, and hot coffee makes me warm. and without ice, it's sort of lukewarm and boring. water has no taste and is sort of boring; and, i drink water like i do life (go big or go home), so i tend to chug a ton of it at a time... and that makes my stomach hurt. also, when i drink, i am cognizant of how much water i'm having, so i'm always counting and comparing. and actually, i've found that the more water i drink, the thirstier i get. so you see, it really is a pain.

this is a direct, not-so-obscure metaphor for how i feel about spending time in my relationship with God. sometimes, really, being in a relationship with Him... well, feels like just a pain. i don't always want to spend time reading my Bible or praying or studying or whatever- sometimes playing or working out or talking with friends or being busy or doing anything but God stuff feels better... for the time being. sometimes it feels like i have to do a lot of work to put into a relationship with God. it's easier to just take what's there instead of putting in time and energy and investment.

however, similar to how i could not be sustained by diet soda and coffee for more than a day or so, i could not be sustained without a God relationship. i could probably make it a day or two drinking anything but water... but i'd start to feel gross: undernourished, thirsty, without zest for life. i'd struggle. and that's exactly what happens when i don't take time to pour some God in my life: i can hang on my own a few days, but then, oooooh but then... life gets hard! unmanageable. un-doable. scary. lonely. boring.  if i don't take the time to get up, invest in some God time, then i feel horrible, moody, overwhelmed and paralyzed by life. God is my (relational) water.

his Word says this too, by the way, calling Him the Living Water... (which, by the way, i didn't remember until i started writing this post- isn't that a fun 'coincidence?). without any Living Water, i will surely shrivel up and die. and similar to my drinking patterns now, if i start in and chug some Living Water, i realize how thirsty i really am, and crave it more and more. it's funny- and sustaining- how that works....

so now, i've been drinking a lot more water- both still and Living. it's been pretty amazing, and i'm feeling better. life feels easier, physically, and calmer, emotionally. i have a peace that i can't explain, even when the realities of my life may or may not add up to something peaceful.

moral of the story: if you're thirsty, drink up. it won't disappoint.