the great Provider.

(...how a three cent profit gets me through)

so i'm a therapist. which is great for me cause i don't have to do (much) math, or real "technically skilled" work... i just get to hone in on the art of listening, empathy, compassion, etc. and read up on psychology studies. not that therapists can't be great at math (i'm sure there are lots who are) but one of the selling points of my career is no math. 

so you can imagine, with no penchant for math, budgets and money planning are not my forte. in fact, they are the bane of my existence to put it gently. and now, with a new array of overhead costs and budgetary needs for starting a new business, i'm not only doing a lot of math to figure out how to make it work, but my math just doesn't add up. and i'm nervous about math that doesn't add up, especially when that math is my monthly budget. when i look at my finances, i'm annie from bridesmaids in an airplane, saying, "help me, i'm poooooor". 

the thing is, though, is that i have Someone bigger on my side. in fact, this Someone bigger has called me to be doing exactly what i am doing: living on faith, opening this business, at this time. really, my plan was to not leave the church and start the private practice until i had a little more financial stability (perhaps dual income, more in savings, something like that) because i know that realistically, businesses (of all kinds, even therapy) take a year (or maybe even two!) to really start thriving. and right now, this does not seem to be the time to take a financial risk. 

however, God has made it abundantly clear that it's time: time to take the risk to get out there, and more importantly, time to learn to trust that He will be my Jehovah Jireh- my provider. i question this, by nature, because it doesn't make sense. however, God keeps showing me that i have to rely on HIM to make it work.... 

in my little mind, i come up with "good"  ideas or solutions that seem like they will solve the money issue. getting a roommate,  getting another job, working harder at this or cutting back here... all those things make sense in the worldly idea of saving or even making some more money. however, they have yet, in the past six months, panned out once. i firmly believe God is keeping me faithful to Him by not providing a way out through these conventional ideas; rather, somehow miraculously making ends meet each month by divine math- err, i mean, intervention. 

my favorite example came last week: on wednesday, i got two pieces of mail in one day. one, a notice that i had a ding on my credit report, and the other, a measley $5.96 check from an overpaid, closed out credit card. i essentially ignored this check, and concentrated on my credit report. i have been diligent about all of my bills, so i was confused as to where this could have come from. the next day, i called to investigate. long (ridiculous) story short, a credit card i had paid off added a few bucks in interest after the balance was paid, and that few bucks snowballed over three months into a huge sum of money comprised of late fees and interest on late fees. not only did this make me mad, but it scared me: if i couldn't get this taken care of, i did not have any expendable cash just lying around, waiting to be spent on ridiculous things like late fees. this would upset the whole month's budget!

thanks to him, i'm more confident in negotiating, so i fought the good fight, and told the credit card company i would gladly, happily, with bells on, pay the few dollars in interest they originally charged. i held fast that i would not, under any circumstances, pay their late fees, nor would i accept that this would affect my credit. they had to fix it, now. and, i did it nicely, i know, cause it didn't take much convincing, frustration, call transfers or anything. in fact, ten minutes into the call, i was paying the few dollars off and getting confirmation that the late fee, and credit report ding, would be removed by my next statement.

and guess how much i had to pay to take care of this whole shenanigan? $5.93. that's right, 3 cents less than i $5.96 check in the mail. i actually made a (minuscule) profit on the whole thing. and if that's not God- looking out for me and showing me His ultimate provision, i don't know what is.