could have been worse.

so my lil' myla brinks  got hit by a car last night.

correction: she chased a bus, then got under the moving bus and then two moving cars, and was hit by all three. luckily, she wasn't run over, just hit. it was the most traumatic thing i've ever seen. i couldn't tell you what specifically happened- meaning the order in which she got hit or what it looked like. partly because i literally covered my eyes, and partly because i think i've blocked it out of my brain, and partly because it happened so fast.

not to worry you- myla brinks, the super dog made of rubber- she's fine. seriously, she has a small (smaller than a dime) abrasion on her head, a little red in the white of her left eye (which is better today than last night) and some soreness. possibly bruised lungs, but that didn't even show up on the xray. other than that, my lil' girl has nothing wrong with her: nothing broken, no internal bleeding, no brain damage or head trauma.

we were going for a quick walk, before i was going to make dinner for friends. it was frigid cold (4 degrees, i had just checked) and we had just crossed the street to the open space where i let them offleash. 9 times out of 10, they run directly up the hill on the right, and head directly into rabbit-and-new-smells-land.... last night was the 1 time out of 10 that there was a bus coming behind me on the left, and when i let myla offleash and the bus zoomed past us, instead of running right, lil myla ran left, chasing the huge 30,000 pound RTD bus, getting underneath it's wheels. then all i know is that she was on one side of it, then the other. i remember seeing a red car slam on it's brakes, and thinking, 'i can't believe they didn't stop after they hit a dog!' so they must have hit her. i remember not hearing her while she was under the bus, and then hearing her yelp while she was under the white car, which also kept going. the car behind the white car, with bright headlights, stopped while myla, in pain and shock, ran around in circles through the street and sidewalk, not stopping for one second for me to get her. poor jola was running around too, somehow avoiding all cars.

eventually (probably only like 30 seconds after the white car hit her), the three of us ended up on the other side of the street, and myla stopped long enough for me to pick her up, and leash up jola. myla wouldn't make eye contact with me, and her ears were laying straight back on her head, which is very unusual for her (it makes her look like a bat, which is very unbecoming). she was obviously freaked out, and somehow i think jola knew that too, because they were both extremely cooperative.

it was still 4 degrees, which is seriously cold.

i picked myla up, not seeing any blood or brokenness, and hugged her to my chest. jola walked with me on the left side, and we started our 15 minute journey home. i had no idea what to think, and surprisingly, was void of any emotion. i had seen jola get hit before, and had seen myla run through traffic, both of which gave me that shot of adrenaline through my legs that left me shaking for minutes. this time i felt calm, possibly in shock, and kept repeating to myla that things were going to be just fine, just fine.

my biceps were sore by the time we got home, and the reality of it all was starting to set in a little. myla was not responding to my voice at all, and seemed to not be hearing anything that was going on around her. she was unusually calm in my arms, a 25 pound dead weight shivering against my body. her fur was matted and wet in random places, and she smelled like oily, old tires and leaking fluids.

during the walk home, i had tried to call the dog friends i knew, to see what 24 hour vet they would recommend. three calls, three voicemails. i left no messages, and waited until we got home to call a local vet (we are inbetween vets right now, of course). the vet on the phone recommended the close, fancy 24hr vet ER i had been trying to avoid (alameda east, which is on some animal planet reality show),and told me that her lack of response in noises could be a sign of a concussion and brain damage. it was then that the tears hit my eyes, but i didn't let them fall.

mys and i got in the car, drove the short ten minutes to the ER, and we were admitted immediately. i felt like the worst person in the world trying to explain to them how she got hit ("well, vet, i took her off her leash. like every irresponsible dog mom would"). they took her in the back, then took me through a sea of rooms and sat me down, alone and out of the way. 'you have to stay in this room, alone. we need you to be in a room, for privacy. so the vet can talk to you in private'.

pan.
ic.

various thoughts that ran through my head at this point: 'what? you've not even seen her. is she dying? how do you know she's dying? is she bleeding internally and how can you fix that? alone? why do i have to be alond and not in a waiting room? you don't know what's even wrong with her! i am the worst dog mom ever. ever. the worst! oh my gosh. i don't have any money. this is going to cost me a million dollars. what do i do? alone? is she dying??'

thanks to you, alameda east, you calmed my fears in about five minutes. the vet came in and talked to me, told me the results of her exam and that she had nothing major to worry about at this point. she was going to do a few tests (blood pressure, chest xrays, ultrasound and bloodwork for glucose levels) but she was stable. and lucky.

the rest of the night went fast... i went home to shower and get the smell of oily tires off of me and my coat. i went back after i got dressed, and waited. i ran my phone out of battery by texting my friends and family. then myla walking came out, good as new. or as good as you can be, being a 25 pound dog that just played monkey in the middle of traffic on a snowy road. she was panting and drooling, and loopy (all a result of her pain meds) but she was ok.

today i am full, FULL, of praise. yesterday was a day of blessings: i woke up late and when i called my boss to tell her, she laughed and said no big deal. and she meant it. my accountant called and told me that not only did i not have to pay taxes this year, i was actually getting a substantial refund- which i think, by no coincidence, is enough to pay my accountant and the vet bill and break even. myla had an unfortuante accident, but she was ab.so.lute.ly fine, and will be back to normal (crazy) in a week or so. and i am blessed.

it could have been better, sure: i could have woken up on time, i could have kept my tax refund and had money to sod the backyard, and i could have not let her offleash. but it could have been worse- ooooooh so much worse. but it wasn't, cause i am blessed. beyond belief.