reflection



a lovely lil mirror and hook my roommate gave so i won't lose my keys :)



so yesterday i went on my first match.com date. it was significant for me- not because it was a great date, really, but more because it was the beginning of a commitment to actual dating. or at least that's how it felt. it's one thing to date online half-hearted and put in an email or 'wink' here and there, and it's another to actually put myself out there, put effort into emailing and hoping and planning and remembering. oh, and meeting real, live boys.

this boy and i met at lola's (y.u.m.) for brunch. i was on time (a.maze.ing) and when he showed up, and our eyes met, i could see a fall of disappointment in his eyes, and could feel it in mine. we both knew this was not 'the one'. we had an enjoyable brunch, sat down and ordered and chatted. talked about life, and things, and played the 'get to know you' game. it was nice, and he even asked if he could buy my breakfast, which i appreciated- and accepted. we parted with a hug and not a mention of talking again, nor a glance backwards. i felt fine, but also weird: i'm used to dates that go one way (absolutely mortifyingly so horrible that they are hilarious [example here]) or another (i am completely twitterpated and he isn't interested). leaving with the feeling of, 'hmm. that wasn't good or bad, and i don't think either of us are into each other' was weird. possibly... refreshing? the idea that we're two normal people with mutual interests, we met, gave it a chance, and it didn't seem great, which wasok with both of us... well, that actually felt mature and welcome.

(well, it was welcome until ten minutes later when he, somewhat condescendingly, texted me to say he didn't feel butterflies and "godd bless kiddo". that part was not refreshing nor welcome).

refreshing and non-refeshing parts aside, i'm hesitant and nervously excited to start this adventure of 'dating'... i have a good feeling about it, but also a wavering quiver in the pit of my stomach. this is part of the resolution i made, i think, of taking a relational risk. is this a specific risk in a relationship? not really, but it is putting myself out there and being vulnerable, which is what i have stayed away from for awhile. i think this is why many people i know hate dating, especially online dating. i think this is why i love it, really. it's so scary and yet, so hilarious and rewarding at the same time. all of my best stories come from dates, i think, as do all of my life lessons. that's pretty special: an experience that can make you laugh and teach you something? sign me up please.

actually, i just signed myself up, for three months of match.com-ing. get ready for the simultaneous ensuing of hilarity and life lessons. i have a feeling it will be a fun ride. :)