muted

it's snowing today. finally. it's almost january and it's, essentially, the first real snow of our winter. hello, winter. it's nice to meet you! i forgot what you were like...

what is winter like, you ask? well....in my perfect world, winter is:

*white. no dirty snow
*snowy. big, fluffy flakes falling often.
* cold, but not windy, and not frigid. or icy.
* cozy. in dream winterland, i'd be able to work from home all the time.
* full of hot chocolate, tea, and lattes. warm drinks are so good for warming up.
* sweatpants and hooded sweatshirts, furry boots, fur lined gloves, stylish hats and fun scarves.
* black dogs covered in snowflakes, crack-runs of excitement through the living room
* afternoon naps and cars that scrape/heat themselves before you get in.
* quiet. snow mutes things, the everyday life is much quieter when it's snowing.

mostly, i like the idea of the quiet right now. at least as i watch the snow fall right now, i am amazed the most at the quietness of it all. the roads are quieter, the world feels softer and padded with insulation. it absorbs the ambient noises of life, and leaves nothing... just empty, snow-filled air. sounds soak into the snowflakes on the ground, on the trees, into snowflakes in the air. sometimes it's so muted that i can hear the snowflakes themselves just gently falling. that's the best part.

sometimes i would like a mute button in my real life. i'd like my head to stop going round and round in incessant circles, reasoning out the same past experiences, writing the same lists, counting the same workouts. i'd like to not hear my dogs bark in the middle of the night to go out to play, or the dog next door bark at any and all times, just because he's been left out. i'd like to not hear the doorbell ring when my friendly neighbor comes over for a visit, just to stay and chat... and chat... and chat... i'd like to not hear the judgmental tone in my head when my jeans are too tight or my stomach feels huge. i'd like to not hear the little doubting voice that shows up when all my friends talk about their upcoming proposals, engagements, weddings, babies. i'd like to quiet the taunting, singsongy voice that shows up when i'm feeling guilty; i'd like to silence the pity parties when i find myself alone, and the evil 'you should be' voice that constantly plays in the background.

i'd like the snow to fall in my head, for just one day- absorbing the sounds of my life, and muting them to quiet. i'd like to hear my life just happen- just life, falling gently from the sky. i know that i have the power to turn on my own mute button- i just don't know how. i don't know how to keep my head from spinning in circles, or the dogs to stop barking, or how to quiet the insecurities that i know are just insidious little traps. but i know i can. can anyone tell me how to create my own mental snowglobe?

in the meantime, i'm going to cuddle up in my favorite sweatpants, hooded sweatshirt, fur lind boots and fuzy blanket. i'm going to sit in my favorite chair, and watch the snow fall and cuddle my dogs, and read a good book. i may even drift into dreamland. but i'm going to start with me, absorbing the soundless snow and making it my own.

happy winter!