project 365

(...one picture a day, for a year)

jan 1: fireworks downtown to celebrate the new year

in case you live in a black hole, and you may not know, it's officially the New Year. that means resolution time, and that means that my gym is going to be packed for a month, which annoys me a little, but i know it will thin out in february and march, and i like to think that some of the newbies in january will stick around, and meet their goals. 

i know most people say that resolutions are silly- i have friends argue that if you're going to do it, you would have already done it. i totally get that, and i think that we, as humans, need motivations, and goals. for that reason, (and also due to my love of lists), i'm a big resolution person... i love to write things down and be able to cross them off. there's something so satisfying and tangible about crossing off an item on the list, knowing it is accomplished. so, i write my resolutions down- i typically pick six: three very measurable, attainable goals that i can truly accomplish/work on, and then three more abstract or emotional/personal betterment type goals that i could arguably say i accomplished at the end of the year... 

for the purpose of sharing, encouraging, and a little accountability, i present to you:

kaci's 2011 resolutions

*be able to do 5 pull-ups at a time

*start my own therapy group at church

*open up kaci jensen counseling, llc

*take one true sabbath (day of rest, no plans) at least once a month

*take one picture a day, for the whole year, and post it on the blog OR facebook (project 365)

*let go of the past and remain content in today

*learn who Jesus really is, and try to adapt more of his character traits (aka, be more like Jesus)

*take one relational risk

as you can see, there are a few more than 3 in the 'easy to mark off' section. that's because one of them (the llc) i really have to do (independent contractor taxes are a b*) and it will help me feel more motivated to put it on a list. it's related to the other therapy one, too. starting a therapy group will be easier this year, now that the church will officially recognize me as an independent contractor (signing the contract this week!), and i have officially gone part time at kaiser to make more time for counseling. a scary leap of faith can only have great rewards! 

i was inspired by the past two weeks to throw in the one about the sabbath. God took a sabbath, and i am not better than him, so why can't i take one? and, i've realized that the world does not stop- nor does my anxiety or depression spin out of control- with one day of rest. in fact, i think relaxing helps me... relax (what a concept). for this resolution, a sabbath will entail one day of NO PLANS. no work, no to-do lists, no nada. optimistically, i'd love for that to be once a week, but realistically, i'm not going to jump from (maybe) four sabbaths a year to one a week. so: one a month. i think it's do-able... 

and, the project 365 was inspired a while ago by my hair-rehab/crafty friend, AW, and i forgot about it til she reminded me yesterday :) so, if you see a post that has a picture, and nothing else, know that it is related to project 365. also, if you see a picture in a post that has nothing to do with the writing, that's also probably project 365. i'm hoping this resolution will help me blog more too, which i didn't want to put down as a resolution, but would like to be more consistent with... not for you, reader (sorry to say, although you are a reason i love to write) but more because writing a post helps me check in with myself, and see where i am. i find the more i take time to reflect and think abstractly, the more in tune with myself i am. hence, 'blog more' is really an intrinsic (hidden) part of the project 365 resolution. look at that, a twofer!

those are the tangible, easy to check resolutions... now, the second half of the list is a bit more challenging, more personal, more vulnerable. also harder to measure. for the first one, i would really like to be able to stop the crazy in my head, and just be content with where i am. not that i feel discontented, but i do find myself ruminating over past things more than i would like. i am sure part of that is totally normal, but i know it's distracting me from moving forward, and that is not healthy. however, i have no idea how to really let go. (cue: if anyone has any ideas, feel free to share here). 

letting go and being content is emphatically tied to number two: really learning the character of Jesus, and trying to emulate that character in my everyday life. i think many christians will say: oh yes, i try to be like Jesus. but really, what does that mean?! does that mean telling parables and traveling by foot, feeding fish and loaves to people i don't know? does that mean preaching on the street, ostracizing myself from the world to feel better about my faith? i think neither. i think when we say we want to be like Jesus, we forget that we are talking about His character, Hs personage, God in Flesh. Jesus is as tangible as God has become to us, so becoming more like Jesus means becoming in tune with the Holy God of the universe Himself. yep, i can sign up for that one. 

relational risk? i suppose i play relationships (romantic and friendly) very safe. i'm (subconsciously) looking for perfection, and i keep my walls up. whether i want to admit it or not, i fear that maybe i hold myself back. this year, i'd like to try to live a little... or something. i'll keep you posted :) 

there you have it... 2011 is outlined and ready for me to tackle. i can't wait! 

what are your resolutions??

jan 2: view from church ride home