so long...

(...but not farewell!)

lately (like within the last 10 days), everyone has been commenting on how long my hair has gotten. it's true! it's much longer than it's been in a long time, but i don't tell them that it's because i'm too poor right now to afford a cut-  i credit the wedding & my awesome yeti hair growth, and say thanks.

it does make me wonder though, because in reality, my hair is really not much longer today than it was ten days ago, when no one was commenting on it. as most of you know, growing your hair out is a process, and doesn't happen overnight. little by little, centimeter by centimeter by inch, it grows out, and all of a sudden (but not really that quickly) your lob (long bob) has grown into genuine locks of long, flowing hair, swinging past your shoulders (in my dreams my hair is always flowing. and shiny. always shiny).

things happen in life like this, little by little. insidious little changes that happen one at a time, and then all of a sudden you glance over your shoulder, and the landscape of the world as you know it has changed drastically.

i feel like that. like the flowing mane of my life has been growing unabashedly over the past few months, and now i'm looking back thinking, how did my hair get so freakin' LONG?!

in the last six months, i've opened up my private practice and gone into business by myself; i've traveled to hawaii, got engaged to the man of my dreams, and had my first holiday season with my inlaws to be. i have a new car, a steady, stalwart group of women that look to me to spiritually lead them, and refinancing (such a grown up word) a house that i actually own. and of course, wedding planning has become an intrinsic part of my day now. not only are my friends and family getting married (yay ash!!) and asking me to be involved, i'm now also realizing the actuality of my own wedding! and all of the above amazing things have now become normal in my every day life. and how crazy that the thought of wearing a diamond ring every single day, and talking about starting a family with a man that unconditionally loves me and is going nowhere, is NORMAL now! actually, that idea still baffles me a lot when i think of it like that- which is about three times a day- but in reality, it's become woven into the everyday fabric of my life. other things that have happened without me looking over the past year include: one, i met my husband to be (what? i'm going to have a husband?!); two, i started my career (what? i have a career, not a job?!); three, i lost a furry, four-legged member of my dear family (myla, i miss your face.and your cuddley butt); and four, i grew my hair out.

and now, those things are just normal, like NBD. at least on an everyday basis. and when i stop, in moments like this, to contemplate the changes, these things are still 'normal', but the weird part is that very fact: this once sought after, long desired dreams of 'grown up'ness are actually here, and i am living them right now, in this very moment.

for the most part, i'd say... 93% of the time, this is amazing to me and i just can't stand how great life is. i mean, could i have any more blessings??? (answer: no). but for the other 7% of the time, i lose sight of the amazingness, and get caught up in the overwhelming nature of all the change. oooooh the change. and lately, that 7% of the time is where i am getting stuck. i get stuck in the overwhelming flood of what has happened, and what is happening, and what is going to happen. i get caught up in the day to day things like laundry and dishes and dog walks that still have to happen, despite how busy or tired or cold i may be. i get caught up in the measly 24 hours a day, 7 days a week we get to get things accomplished, and i wish for more time. ironically, i'm also wishing for much less time: only four months to the wedding and i want it to be here and ready, already.

i am stuck in 7% land, and it's not a fun place to be stuck.