asymptomatic

doctor, doctor! 

i have some friends right now that are hurting. and not hurting like, 'oh, life is so hard, i was late to work and my boss is mad'. but legitimate hurting, like 'i just found out i have cancer' or 'i just lost a baby' or 'my grandmother has three months to live'. as a friend, it's hard to hear this stuff, and even harder to know what to say to love and support my nearest and dearests. 

i was listening to the radio last night, and they were talking about disease and sickness. the speaker pointed out that only know when something is wrong if it hurts: we go to the doctor when there is something 'weird' going on, or the pain is too much, or we know something is irregular with our body. it is the pain, or the feeling of unwell- the symptom of the sickness- that alerts us to what is wrong, and allows us to get what we need to heal. considering this idea, we can see that hurting is just a part of life; and, the hurting of a disease, or sickness (for the most part) doesn't last forever; typically it only lasts for a season. 

emotionally, i think it's the same thing. when we hurt, we know something is not right; something is amiss and needs fixing- whether it's a social, emotional or physical change, something's got to give in our emotional life to  make the pain or the hurt stop. and normally, it's this hurting symptom that triggers us to make these life-giving changes. 

the other thing to consider is that typically, when we hurt and then do something to change, we grow stronger. with a disease, they can treat you with antibiotics to make things go away: what does an antibiotic do? it kills the bacteria in our body, and allows our body to become stronger and heal. steroids (like prednisone, not crazy muscle juice) do essentially the same thing: they reduce bad reactions and increase good reactions in our body to enable it to grow stronger and heal better. but, in all cases, we get treated with medicine to help reduce the symptoms (hurting or dis-ease) and increase our body's own resilience and stamina. this can be similar to emotional pain and suffering, and i see it often in my office when i treat depressed, sad, or low functioning people: once they actually walk through the hurt and the pain, and come out on the other side, they are that much stronger for it. 

in essence, then, hurting (physically or emotionally), can be viewed as beneficial: it warns our body of what is amiss, and it can be the catalyst for building strength and resilience. and hurting only happens for a season: it does not last forever. it's not enjoyable, this hurting, and no one says we have to actually like the process of growth and change. but the reality is, the season of hurt we all (eventually) go through is a sign that things are working properly. think about what would happen if our body didn't hurt, and didn't tell us what was going on. for instance, think about the reaction we have to a hot stove: if our body didn't send the pain signal from the heat of a burner on our skin, we would leave our hand on it indefinitely, and there's no telling the damage that could be done. just google 'congenital insensitivity to pain', and it will pull up stories about how living without pain is hell. i for one will take the hurt life hands me gratefully, after hearing those stories. 

all of this is great to know, but it's not something i can hand to my friend who is mourning her baby and say, 'hey! sorry about that. but guess what? your pain is good! don't worry about it'.  i think the other piece of pain that we, as humans forget, is that sometimes we just have to meet other humans where they are- in their pain. and know, intrinsically, that it is good in the long run, but it's still suffering in the short run. we worry so much about what to say to comfort and console and erase the pain of our friends and loved ones, rather than just sitting with them and caring for them, saying things like, 'that must be horrible. i'm so sorry', or, 'wow. that is a painful thing you are going through'. 

the reality is, there are no magic words to heal an emotional wound. trust me, i would know if there was, and i would sell them to you in a heartbeat. instead,  i believe that there is nothing better than just meeting our friends where they are, in their pain, sitting with them, and giving them allowance for them to sit in their pain, with you. because, remembering what i said earlier, this pain is just a season. it won't last forever (like we've all said, 'this too shall pass') and soon it will be sunny again.

so to all my hurting friends: i love you. i'm so very sorry you're hurting and that life painful right now. i'm here for you, right in the middle of it, however you need me to be here, in the season of hurt. and i'll be here when it's sunny again.