i'm too sexy for my...

(...pants. at least right side in)

so i belong to a gym. a big gym, in fact. a gym that is open 24 hours a day, and is 'sponsored' by lance armstrong, and is full of meatheads in the weight room and skinny girls in the step classes and every walk of life in between on the elipticals. during lunch hour and early afternoon all the guys from work come, showing up in their work suits and changing into sleeveless tshirts and long shorts; the girls come from work in their pretty, feminine dresses and change into little color-coordinated, lycra outfits. the moms wear 5k race t shirts, the old guys wear their sweat socks and some meathead-wannabes wear their muscle shirts, torn down to about nothing, looking like the hulk, if he lived in suburbia and wore tribal armband tattoos.

this is my gym, and i love it. i've been going here about 5 years now, very consistently, and i say hi to the same trainers, front desk girls, and regular gym goers. i have friends i've met at gym classes (i even got a baby shower invite from one yesterday!) and i've made lots of my non-gym friends come visit me here. this gym has two stories, with weights and the sauna, pool and lockerrooms on bottom, and cardio and gym classes on top, looking over the weightroom and front door. there are bunches of lance armstrong pictures and paraphernalia. my favorite is the giant close up of his face, next to a quote, right above the weight mirrors that says, 'i'm on my ass on my bike 6 hours a day. what are you on?' it makes me lift harder, every.time.

anyway, this is my gym. i feel like i belong here. i see people i know, i am familiar with the equipment, i know how to lift and run and bodypump and spin and crossfit workout. it's close to my house, so sometimes i even run or bike there. i always sweat there. in short, i feel pretty badass at the gym.

that was, until yesterday. 

i arrived, and set up like normal... i had planned on doing a few short arm workouts and then a spin workout on my own, since i had ballet class the next day and wanted to save my legs and shoulder strength. now, i am not the only one in the gym, but sometimes, when i put i headphones on and get started, i feel like everyone is looking at me looking at myself in the mirrors. or, like everyone is noticing that i have arrived and they are judging what i am doing. it's a weird and selfish feeling that i don't like, but seem to get often. i try to stay focused on my workout by avoiding eye contact and doing things harder and faster, so i can be done.

so yesterday, i set the bosu ball up in front of the mirrors, and grabbed my weights, battling the feeling of being watched. i saw a coworker/friend, and walked over to him to say hi for a few minutes. i walked back to lift a bit, stopped to change songs, walked over to change weights. i exchanged the bosu for an exercise ball and did some triceps. i moved to the benches and did some chest presses with the bar...  i avoided eye contact with people, and continued moving through the workouts through the gym. eventually, i pranced across the gym and up the stairs to the empty spin studio and grabbed a bike.

the spin studio is the 'hallmark' of the lance armstrong 24hr fitness so the windowed wall is covered in semi-transparent pictures of bike riders and lance, in all his races, pulling ahead. the other three walls are covered with mirrors or windows, so your reflection is really all you see, especially if you are the only one riding, in the middle of a sea of bikes.

i started riding, and got about one song in and noticed the way the mirrors worked, i could see the back of myself in the reflection. i noticed in this reflection, as i pounded away through the beat of the music, a small, white thing on the top rear of my pants. i tried to look closer, but couldn't see much in the mirrror. i stopped my workout and craned my neck behind, looking down at my butt.

my pants were inside out.

i had spent the whole last hour, skipping around the gym like i was too cool for school, with my dumb pants inside out and tag sticking out.

no wonder i felt like people were staring at me.