feels like home...

(...summer projects)

people tell me i'm too busy. they tell me i need to take down time to relax. i say that's silly. i relax a lot. it just looks differently than some other people's relaxing.

for me, gym time is super relaxing. especially if i can sweat it out hard enough that i feel tired. especially if i can sit in the sauna or the steam room afterwards for a few minutes and then go home. when i can work out hard enough that my brain stops thinking and the only thing i can process is the music pulsing through my ipod, and the to-dos of lawn work, walking the dog, getting my practice off the ground, filing quarterly taxes are all drowned out of my consciousness by the beat of the black eyed peas, the spill canvas or anberlin, then i know i am relaxed. and seeing results, feeling better about myself, being able to fit into clothes i like- that's an added, anti-anxiety bonus. i highly recommend gym time to those of you that need down time.

for me, yard work and home improvement is relaxing. now, sometimes i'll admit cleaning is good and relaxing too, but for the most part that is just an annoyance of something that has to get done (seeing dust and dog hair just automatically adds to my 'what i'm not doing but need to' list). yard work and improving things around the home, though... that can really help me get my head on straight. for instance: last weekend i spent about five hours in shorts and a bikini top, sawing and cutting and weeding out ten-foot tree runners from my side yard. i ended the day with dirt under my fingernails, rose-thorn scratches on every extremity and tiny silvers under my fingerpads, and the most killer sunburned back i've had since i was a sunscreen-less kid at a waterpark, but it was the most satisfying thing i'd done all week. a few weeks ago i stained my deck and added in two new yellow adirondack chairs, and a red pot. i hung twinkly lights from the house to the shed, and although they don't turn on (that's a whole other story), just walking by the sight of my freshly remodeled deck every day makes me feel good and relaxed.

for me, gardening is also relaxing. as you may know, i love to (try to) garden. although most of my efforts have since died (yes, even some of the newly potted windowsill plants and backyard perennials), i still find joy in weeding and planting and digging, and sometimes, sometimes! seeing something grow out of my efforts. even now, with some of the backyard guys dying out, the tropical vine i planted against the chainlink fence continues to grow and grow- even flower! every time i tuck a new tendril into the chain link and see a new flower bud, i feel successful. seeing the side flower bed that was, at the beginning of the spring, housing just two mini rose bushes and a lot of bind-weed, now overflowing with afrian daisies and poppies and other huge, untamed flowers that i planted (from seeds!), makes me feel like i am somehow contributing to my house. and the fact that the cosmos i planted last year have returned to regrow for another year, well... i know i did something right. just seeing those relaxes me and reminds me that i am doing something.  

and of course, there are other, more common relaxing things i do... laying in bed at night with the sound of the fan on, reading my Bible and painting my toenails. i'm discovering a new found... (dare i say skill?) in planning and cooking dinners a few times a week. lately i have been able to do some baking that is not contigent upon orders and payment and deadlines and weddings... remembering the joy i find in baking is a welcome feeling. of course, walking jola can be relaxing, if i can find the time to do it (it's amazing how much calmer our walks are now without miss crazypants myla {i miss you!}).

so. yes, i am busy. i don't make time to sit down in front of the tv and zone out to mindless programs that either glorify superficial 'reality' or package life up in a 30 minute episode with a pretty little bow. i don't make time to sit around and stare at things and wonder what to do. i don't make time to just lay on my bed, counting the cracks in the ceiling (there are none, by the way).  those aren't replenishing, relaxing things for me. yes, my schedule is packed, usually minute to minute, but with things i love, things i choose, things i make time for. and that makes me feel relaxed.