this one time, when i got lei'd...

(...a luau in coloardo)

there was a gala on friday for FCA. he invited me to come with him, and told me it was a tropical theme. we planned for both of us to wear coconut bras but i bought a dress, just in case. and he told me i would be meeting his parents.

friday night, i got dressed in my cantaloupe-colored dress, which (thankfully) hid all the streaky self-tanner lines from my early morning, overly-zealous, self-spray-tanning session in my bathroom. i found a white flower hair pin, and he helped me pick out the right shoes (nude colored wedges, which are about as old as me). he ironed his shirt, i put on the finishing touches with my dove necklace and coconut flavored "island escape" lotion. we were ready.

he opened the car door, and as i got in, a potent, tropical smell hit my nose and my eyes spied a beautiful, real lei hanging on the passenger side head rest. he explained it was made of purple orchids and white tuberose flowers, and he got it especially for me that day. i couldn't stop smelling it as i put it around my neck. it was the closest i've been to hawaii, ever. i loved it!

as we drove, i asked him if there was anything about his family i needed to know. "well," he hesitated..."my dad has some hillbilly tendencies." i looked at him skeptically. "he is very affectionate. he'll probably try to hug you, kiss you on the check, or maybe more." as puzzled as i was, i said ok, and thought, "ok, i can handle that!" i didn't think much of it, and the subject changed.

when we arrived at the gala a few minutes later (which was located in a huge, indoor, sand volleyball court called 'the island'), i was the only girl with a real lei, and people started commenting on it before we even got past the registration table. we entered, and he led me over to a tall cocktail table where he said his family was standing. he introduced me to his mother, his sister, and another woman. we small talked a bit, especially about the lei, and then mark gestured behind him, "oh, and here's my dad!"

i turned around to greet him with a smile, anticipating a handshake, a hug, or even a kiss on the cheek. what i got, instead, was a glimpse at a mouthful of startlingly white and decayed teeth.

i quickly smiled, shook his hand, maybe even hugged him (i can't even remember what happened, honestly, i was in such shock at the teeth). he smiled and spoke to me with a slight lisp, getting closer and closer as we talked. his mom, and sister giggled a little and then he giggled and the awkward laughter continued. i could not, for the life of me, decide if this was a joke, or if the whole family was good at gauging the reaction to dad's teeth. i just kept smiling, and making small talk, and the awkwardness grew.

and grew.

"are you staring at me??" his dad asked, with a hint of humor in his eye.

"no, no! not at all!" i said back, also with a smile. i was so sure it was a joke, but could not risk being wrong.

to break the stifled laughter, i asked his dad if he wanted to smell my lei. he said yes, smelled it, then grabbed his plastic one, got very close in my face, and said, "wanna smell MINE?" it was then i broke. i couldn't keep it in. the fake teeth came out of dad's mouth about three seconds later, thanks to him, who also finally broke and got his dad to take them out. i laughed a little more genuinely once the jig was up.

the rest of the night was equally as fun: he and i made fools of ourselves on the dance floor (he even did the worm!), we stole rolls, and we played beach volleyball with a giant ball, me in my sundresses and push-up bra. i laughed so hard i almost cried, and at the end of the night, sitting in the car, intoxicated by the scent of tuberose and orchids, the feeling of sand on my feet, and warm air blowing through the sunroof and my hair, i felt relaxed... almost as if i had taken a mini vacation to hawaii for the evening. monday, i hung my lei up to dry, and still haven't vacuumed the sand from my feet out of my carpet, just to hold on to the tropical vacation feeling for a little longer. i can only help colorado's summer comes soon!