at 10:15pm. on a monday night. my car, it didn't start. not only did it not start, but it sounded somewhat like someone was hacking the insides with a power drill when i did try to start it. it was a noise i'd never heard before, and i could have sworn i smelt something, but lia, woman of sensitive scenting abilities, didn't smell anything. i tried the car a few times more; nothing. in my head, it was broken. which somewhat broke me, or at least my spirit.
i dug my insurance card out of my dashboard and sat inside lia's car to call the tow truck. one hour, they said. just one measly hour after 10:00pm on a school night can feel like forever. inside, and outside, i cringed. my insides were slowly imploding from the amount of food we'd just eaten, and i just wanted to go home. lia had just come back from a short, whirlwind trip on her actual day of birth, and both of us were admittedly cranky-pants.
she tried to come up with solutions; i tried to be open-minded but just couldn't. the only place i could think of to tow it was the dealership, mainly because they are literally across the street from my work and that would be convenient the next day. on the other hand, i dread the dealership because i feel like they overcharge me for every single thing and try to get me to buy lots of services i don't need. and i never know what i should believe. lia suggested a mechanic she'd used before, but the logistics of calling him late, towing and figuring out how to get back and forth between now and later and work didn't seem to make sense to me.
did i mention we were both cranky?
eventually a plan rolled out, and we were on our way. specifically, lia was on her way home to sleep off the rest of her vacation and birthday, and i was on my way to sitting for an hour (or more, since i was on tow-truck time) for a man that may or may not be creepy and who i was going to ask for a ride, my car in tow.
i was still cranky.
as i was sitting there, hammering out details with lia, it struck me: i really am independent as they come, and can handle a lot, but this one of those rare moments that i wish i had a dad. the kind that would come show up, know what was wrong, have a good idea about where and who to take the car to, and how the logistics would work. one of those dads.
specifically, i was thinking of my dad. he knows car stuff: he once made me change a transaxle in my little nissan just to show me that i could do it. now, if i'm being honest, i don't always trust him to fix it, but, that's not the point.
tangent:
(i don't trust anyone; my tendency when things break is to throw in the towel and just go get a new one)
(i try really hard to see the irrationality in this, because i know it is irrational)
(i'm working on it, i swear).
as i was saying... tonight i just wanted a dad. someone to call, someone that would tell me what to do, give me the name of some trusted mechanic he knows, even to be the someone to just come and rescue me. my dad used to do that, sometimes. i remember that. it makes my heart ache in times like this, to remember how it was when i was dependent on others. it's a nerve-wracking feeling to not know who to turn to or what to do in a situation in which you (i) are the sole adult steering the ship.
the great news is two-fold here: 1) i have a great dad and a great stepdad. although they may not be the ones that come to my rescue at all times (cause i'm basically too stubborn to ask them), they are both still my dads. how lucky am i to have a two-fer dad situation? and 2) my car started after lia left; must have been the battery (which i can do all by myself thankyouverymuch!)
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