old lady puppy

(preface: i tend to think the most when i walk the dogs, and have seen, ever since i began walking jola four years ago, an unprecedented parallel between our walks, and my walk with God. i like to use this analogy to really process my thoughts, and hear what God is speaking to me. as a warning, many of my entries will possibly revolve around dog walks and this God-walk analogy...)

so we begin.

i was walking jola and myla (aka the girls) the other day and was struck by the major difference in how they walk. now, obviously, they are two different dogs and have two different personalities, breeds, noses that smell things, etc. jola is a four year old black lab mix with a penchant for running away and a serious attitude that tells you this is HER world, and we just live in it. myla is a five month old boston terrier/blue heeler mix that pees when happy, excited, scared, sad, or just thinking...if you pick her up she will lick your ear clean, and love up on you whether you're ready for it or not. when excited or playing, both prance around like dressage horses on parade when excited, and love to wrestle and growl like they mean it. so that said, of COURSE they will walk differently, right?

but it's not just how they walk... it's the intention behind their walks that intrigues me. jola has recently switched over to a regular lead instead of a flexi/retractable one, and surprisingly, she stays very close to my side (unless of course, the cats or squirrels come out to play). she is a consistent left side walker, and easily stops at all corners to sit, and calmly waits for me to untangle her paws if her leash gets caught up in her legs. she loves to stop and sniff, but for the most part will move on quickly. in short, she knows the routine.myla, on the other hand, is a freak on a leash, to put it lightly. the beginning of the walk always starts with her chewing on jola's leash, running and jumping onto jola's head or my behind and biting whatever she can find (which tends to be my behind quite often). a few minutes in, she calms down but is constantly pulling, sniffing, stopping, right left right left, leash tangled in my hands, jola's feet, her legs. the end of the walk ends with more jumping and biting and possibly a happy pee when i talk her leash off and pet her. it's an event, every day, to say the least :)

what strikes me about it is this: when i first met God, i felt a lot like myla. running, jumping, excitement- discovering the world with my God holding my leash, keeping me safe, was the best thing i could imagine. like myla, i could run at big, dangerous things like cars- not knowing what could really happen if i actually was not being held back by my God. the world smelled new, looked new, held new things. held friends like jola, that walked calmly beside me, showing me the way- not always in excited love, but sometimes in a patient, waiting love. my God held my leash for me and didn't let me go, knowing what was good for me and what wasn't. Allowing me to stop sometimes, or run around offleash for a bit, but i always came back. just like myla.

now in my walk i feel more like jola... calmly walking beside my God. by definition of a God-follower, i am attached to Him, but sometimes my lead is slack and i can't feel His pull. i know He is there, but sometimes something smells new, or looks interesting, and i tend to wander. He is there, and i can feel the pull if i get too far, but it's much more gentle, much more subtle. maybe because by now i'm supposed to know what that gentle God-tug is? i don't know. sometimes i pull too hard in excitement and escape- God can chase me but doesn't... similar to how i have to reign jola back in by turning the opposite way and pretending i'm leaving. God of course never threatens to leave me, but knows that i will return when i am ready, so He doesn't chase me down.

the best part of walking these two furry freaks together is that i can see the differences in my walks with God, and i can see the benefits in both. part of me relishes being an older dog, in the sense that i know the routine.... i have faith, but it's not blind: it's been tested (similar to when jola got hit by a car), it's been around the block a few times, and can anticipate the smells and sounds of my walk. i can walk calmly by my Lord and listen to His gentle tugs rather than repeat the same jumping and biting motion to learn the loud, obnoxious 'no' voice. i can walk closer to Him in unknown territory, or run farther away to explore, knowing exactly how to come back to Him when i am ready. but the other part of me longs to be an excited puppy on a leash- stimulated and just full of sheer JOY at the world, having blind faith that my Leader will hold me back when i get too dangerous.

i guess when it really comes down to it, it doesn't matter which dog i am, as long as i have a leash attached to Someone.