"are you ready to go to africa"
"are you ready for your trip?"
"when are you leaving, again? are you ready?"
"are you ready for your trip?"
"when are you leaving, again? are you ready?"
the three most popular questions i've begun to hear in the last few days; questions that i know will be repeated many more times. i'm surrounded by friends and loved ones- they are all curious and excited for me, which gets me that much more excited, if possible! the problem is, though... i don't think i'm ready.
what is ready, anyway? a quick look on dictionary.com gives a comprehensive definition of the word:
read-y [red-ee]- adjective
1. completely prepared or in fit condition for immediate action or use
2. duly equipped, completed, adjusted, or arranged, as for an occasion or purpose
3. willing
1. completely prepared or in fit condition for immediate action or use
2. duly equipped, completed, adjusted, or arranged, as for an occasion or purpose
3. willing
so what is ready? i mean, really? my friend liz is taking birthing classes at the hospital to prepare for the birth of her first baby. she will be completely prepared and in fit condition for action, but is she ready? today on our walk, an elderly woman was wearing a plastic beauty salon bag over her head in case it rained. she was dully equipped for a purpose, but was she ready? jola sees me get out her leash everyday and barks/jumps once, then sits very calmly until i put it on her. she is willing, but is she ready?
my conclusion is this: we are never ready, really. correction: i am never ready. i don't know about you. here's the thing: with africa, i could study my swahili phrase book, read all my group manuals, bring every game, song and lesson i know for VBS, get all my shots, pack every single thing ever known needed to man, and still, i wouldn't feel completely, properly ready.
why is it impossible for me to be really ready?
today a friend needed a favor, and we ended up driving a bit. the first part of the drive, i turned on an old worship cd. i sang the familiar words aloud, and for the first time really felt the meaning of them come alive as i heard my voice sing... God is doing a new thing, he is making a way in the desert, in the streams, and the wasteland. i can see God is doing a new thing, springing up from broken things, shattered dreams, God is doing a brand new thing in me. i believe in what God has done, and i receive what God is doing. these words were especially poignant at the time, because the area we were in was heavy laden with emotional memories.
the thing that struck me is this: if i were 'ready', then God couldn't do this new thing in me. i would be too busy anticipating, waiting, guessing... and the best part, the most striking part to me is believing in what God has already done for me, and receiving what he is currently doing for me. because he is, always doing. whatever situation i am in right now, God is making good out of it, somewhere, somehow. and that is what i cannot ever be ready for.
i mean, i could wear my plastic hair salon hat, take classes at the hospital and sit, willingly waiting- totally prepared and ready. but i would still not really be READY for what God is going to do for me. what he does with the broken things, the shattered dreams, the desert, the wastelands. i can never be ready for that, because God's plans are so amazing, and so awe-inspiring and just... indescribable that i will never, ever be ready for that. i could never have guessed all the good that has come out of all the hurt and pain and sadness and anger in my life. and really, if you think about it, if you're really 'ready', then how can God do it? i mean, if He had told me, "listen kaci, so these few months at this time of your life are going to be painful and hard. when you make this decision today, you'll be in pain a few years from now, but don't worry- i've got it under control. the pain will be a great catalyst for something new." you better believe that i would not be signing up for that- if God truly got me READY for the changes he has in store, i would run the other way to avoid most of them.
i don't know if this makes any sense to you, but for me, it's the best feeling i've had in a long, long time. God has done such great in my life, i believe in what he has done- and that allows me to receive what he is currently doing. so the great news is this: i am not ready for africa. nor will i ever pretend to think i will be. i am going into my trip with no expectations... except, maybe, to see a lion or a giraffe or a hippo (any one of those would do). but really, i have no idea what to expect, but unexpected things: new food, new language, new weather, new environment, new people, new insights. i mean, i can't WAIT to have no idea!!! so.
however, i AM still looking for some good VBS games for african kids, if you have any ideas...
my conclusion is this: we are never ready, really. correction: i am never ready. i don't know about you. here's the thing: with africa, i could study my swahili phrase book, read all my group manuals, bring every game, song and lesson i know for VBS, get all my shots, pack every single thing ever known needed to man, and still, i wouldn't feel completely, properly ready.
why is it impossible for me to be really ready?
today a friend needed a favor, and we ended up driving a bit. the first part of the drive, i turned on an old worship cd. i sang the familiar words aloud, and for the first time really felt the meaning of them come alive as i heard my voice sing... God is doing a new thing, he is making a way in the desert, in the streams, and the wasteland. i can see God is doing a new thing, springing up from broken things, shattered dreams, God is doing a brand new thing in me. i believe in what God has done, and i receive what God is doing. these words were especially poignant at the time, because the area we were in was heavy laden with emotional memories.
the thing that struck me is this: if i were 'ready', then God couldn't do this new thing in me. i would be too busy anticipating, waiting, guessing... and the best part, the most striking part to me is believing in what God has already done for me, and receiving what he is currently doing for me. because he is, always doing. whatever situation i am in right now, God is making good out of it, somewhere, somehow. and that is what i cannot ever be ready for.
i mean, i could wear my plastic hair salon hat, take classes at the hospital and sit, willingly waiting- totally prepared and ready. but i would still not really be READY for what God is going to do for me. what he does with the broken things, the shattered dreams, the desert, the wastelands. i can never be ready for that, because God's plans are so amazing, and so awe-inspiring and just... indescribable that i will never, ever be ready for that. i could never have guessed all the good that has come out of all the hurt and pain and sadness and anger in my life. and really, if you think about it, if you're really 'ready', then how can God do it? i mean, if He had told me, "listen kaci, so these few months at this time of your life are going to be painful and hard. when you make this decision today, you'll be in pain a few years from now, but don't worry- i've got it under control. the pain will be a great catalyst for something new." you better believe that i would not be signing up for that- if God truly got me READY for the changes he has in store, i would run the other way to avoid most of them.
i don't know if this makes any sense to you, but for me, it's the best feeling i've had in a long, long time. God has done such great in my life, i believe in what he has done- and that allows me to receive what he is currently doing. so the great news is this: i am not ready for africa. nor will i ever pretend to think i will be. i am going into my trip with no expectations... except, maybe, to see a lion or a giraffe or a hippo (any one of those would do). but really, i have no idea what to expect, but unexpected things: new food, new language, new weather, new environment, new people, new insights. i mean, i can't WAIT to have no idea!!! so.
however, i AM still looking for some good VBS games for african kids, if you have any ideas...
Hey - that song has been stuck in my head for ever!! Do you remember what it's called or who sang it?
ReplyDeleteDid you ever find this cd? Or do you remember what it looked like? Seriously have been trying to find that song for years and this is the only place that has the lyrics on the internet. :)
ReplyDelete