state of pride

(...i love colorado)

if you live in colorado, you get it. state pride out here runs deep. it's not rare, or even weird, to see the colorado flag on t-shirts or stickers; people have colorado license-plate bumper stickers claiming their native connection to the state, their love of running, or something else equally colorado. colorado university stickers are rampant, from cu to csu to metro state college.i would guess 1 of 3 cars you're next to at a light has a state of colorado something on their car.  there's a whole line of 'i run/bike/ski colorado' products out there, and you would be hard pressed to find someone that doesn't try to round up the time they lived here to look more legit with the natives (even i am victim of that-i am very quick to tell you i've been here over 20 years just to look cooler than you who moved here two years ago). 

and who wouldn't want to boast of being a native of this great state? we have mountains, city and amazing weather at any given time. we have all four seasons, but nothing to extreme to make you feel trapped in gray for months, or bored with placid weather all year round. the city is big enough to have fun things to do, and small enough you can feel comfortable, familiar, even make friends with locals at your favorite spots. it's just western enough that you can wear cowboy boots to any wedding and get away with it, hipster enough that you can ironically wear a plaid shirt and felt, tie-up boots to church, and sporty enough that you can wear yoga pants and tennis shoes just about anywhere you go. and still fit in. you can take breaks at lunch to go to the gym, and you can compare 14ers, snow-shoe paths, and rock climbing stories with your friends on a regular basis. you can leave for the weekend to go skiing because you 'have a pass' or you can stay in the city all weekend because you've got better things to do than fight ski traffic and crazy crowds on the hill. 

reality is: it's a colorado thing.

and i love it. 

snowpocalypse!

(...did i mention it's winter here??)

in case you forgot, it's winter. and around these parts, that can be easily forgotten, since denver can be sunny and 70 one day, and snowy and 30 the next. lately that 'sunny and 70' thing hasn't shown up much, which i guess i can't complain about since it is february. 

but seriously, this?

in one night??

i want a snow day! 

ps these were taken last week. right now, it's cold and not as snowy. this is a delayed complaint.

something's in the air tonight...

(nostalgia strikes again)

it smelled like fall tonight. like real, live, here-to-stay, september fall. not the end of august, just-a-colorado-teaser fall. jola and i went for a run down the parkway in the dusk; as we crossed monaco, i caught the scent of charcoal grills, something burning, lawn mower fuel and wet grass floating through the air. the fading light illuminated the trees and their leaves, and quietness of the evening settling in took over me as we ran. 

this morning on the radio, i was listening to a dj tell me that the enemy knows what to do to paralyze me into doing nothing: he will use sights, sounds, smells, anything he can, to evoke a response in me that floods me with memories and leaves me motionless, useless, unmotivated for God. this evening, as i was so easily transported into heavy, beautiful nostalgia through the aromas on the breeze, i thought about this idea. i can't argue with it: i know that complacency is the number one tool of the enemy- not doing anything can be so much worse than any kind of doing. and, i was witnessing, as i ran, first hand how amazingly powerful those familiar sights and sounds can be. and that's the idea that the dj was talking about: the enemy uses our own memories and emotions against us, and transports us into analysis paralysis, and then we're stuck. doing nothing. 

but, if that is true, that the enemy can know these things so close to us and use them against us, then it must be true that God can do the same thing. God is so much bigger and mightier than the enemy. of course He could use the same tactic! in fact, i would argue that the enemy stole this tactic: one of the most powerful, God-given gifts that make us human is our ability to feel, emote, remember. God gave us this gift, so it makes sense that He would be able to use it for good, to enable us to remember and lose ourselves in those comforting, beautiful memories. 

tonight, i smelled charcoal grills and remembered my childhood; my dad in particular. i smelled lawn mower gas as i ran comfortably through the setting sunlight on the parkway, just me and jo. the smell and the run, combined with the cool fall breeze and the warmth created by running, the swish of my shorts and the sound of my steps...  i was suddenly transported back to my "single" days over the past five years or so, when it was just jo and i, not many others, and we would do long night runs all the time- training for races or just a simple friday night getaway.

altogether, the smells and the leaves of the trees in the parkway, the darkening sky and brightening lights, brought a more general level of feel-good nostalgia: fall. fall is my favorite season of all time... the leaves, the smells, the crisp air and warmth of a well-lit house at dusk, the pumpkins and yellow school buses and crunchy leaves... all these thoughts and feelings come back with a simple run like tonight. 

all of these feel-good feelings i can't really explain with words, but i feel comfortable, familiar, and at home resting in them. i wanted our run tonight to last forever- and now i want to find the words to bring these feelings back to life whenever they are missing, and i need the warm feeling of familiar, of home, of comfort.

i guess i'll just have to grab jo and go for a run. 

the covenant

(colorful reflections)

he and i are doing a bible reading plan together, called the essential 100 (a plan of 100 passages of the bible that explain the fundamentals of christian history/beliefs). lately, we've been in genesis (we just started, can you tell?), and last week we talked about the flood. specifically, our reading led to questioning why God would want to wipe the whole human race (minus the Noah's) off the face of the planet and just start over. we discussed free will, and God's omnipotence; essentially, if he knows everything, then wouldn't he know that humans would be evil, and he would have to flood them out? why would he still create us if he knew that? and other questions, like how long did it take noah to actually build the ark?? (about 100 years, at absolute most, according to Gen 5-6).

i really like trying to figure this stuff out, especially with someone else on my side, and helping me think of things i haven't thought of before. one thing that we didn't really discuss, but he asked was: 'why does the essential 100 reading plan leave out the story of the rainbow, where God gives Noah the rainbow as a sign, or covenant, of His promise to never flood the earth again?' this was a good question to me, especially because the story of the flood and the rainbow is one of my earliest memories of sunday school, and the first experience i had of really knowing that God is good. as a kid, i couldn't see or feel God, but i could see a rainbow, and knowing who put it there was comforting to my soul. however, as i've grown older, i haven't given much thought to, or maybe just have taken for granted, rainbows after a rainstorm. especially since my 29 year old brain now understands how and why they appear. so, when he asked this question, my first response was, 'well, the rainbow is not essential to our beliefs as christians. we don't need to know about the covenant to believe in God, or Jesus, or the whole Gospel story. it's a great story, yes, and beautiful, and good to know, but not essential."

it's been raining like crazy here. the afternoon thunderstorms in colorado are the very best... about two or three o'clock on a hot, summer day, the dark, threatening clouds roll in, the thunder booms and the rain unleashes in torrents. it usually lasts just about twenty minutes or so, then passes, and the sun comes out, just like nothing ever happened. it's a beautiful thing, really, and everyone i know loves this part of summer.

i got caught in one of these storms the other day, driving home. after the storm past, while i was driving through the sunny, wet roads, i looked behind me via my passenger mirror. i caught a glimpse of something beautiful:

it was the brightest rainbow i'd ever seen, and it was amazing to see it in the reflection of my mirror... (cell phone pics don't do it justice). essentially, it was a reflection (the mirror) of a reflection (the rainbow).

a few minutes later, i saw the same rainbow, but from a different angle and caught a glimpse of it's shadowy counterpart, the double rainbow (all.the.way):

again, it was the brightest rainbow(s) i'd ever seen from my car, the rainbow started on the right (this picture), stretched across the sky, and ended on my left. it was one of those rare times i could see the whole, vast enormity of the whole rainbow, stretching across the sky and over the dark storm clouds, end to end. it was amazing.

and it got me thinking about the conversation he and i had just had, about the covenant of the rainbow, and how this beatuiful, natural sign is God's way of saying, 'hi. don't worry, i didn't forget you! you know that storm that was a little scary, the one that flooded the streets til the water hit your jeeps headlights just now? don't worry; i'll never let that storm win- although i could let it win, i won't.  although you may be sinful and not perfect on the inside, i will never forget, nor destroy you. don't forget me, as i won't forget you'.

those words, that reminder: i could use that every day. every, single, day. but it comes out rarely- just enough to remind me. just enough to fill my heart with gratitude and humility and love, for My Creator... who knows and loves me and will never, ever forget me.

and that makes me reconsider his question: why isn't the rainbow part of the essential 100?

blooming

(...things are springing up everywhere!)

the magnolias have bloomed. 

it's funny to me to see a leave-less tree, looking sad and desperate, housing beautiful, white fragrant blooms for days on end. even the few cold snaps and 'frozen mix' showers haven't killed off the beautiful flowers, and they wait on the pokey, bare little branches to greet me everytime i walk through the backyard. 

this spring i was hoping for more flowers... miss l and i planted those 100 bulbs in the front, and maybe 15 have showed up so far. a few green leaves have sprung up in new places since last summer, but no flowers have grown from the green stalks. my southern front lawn is dead, and my backyard is just a mush of dirt and weeds and misplaced mulch. oh, and some trash that blows in from the alley, through the west-facing chain link fence. and, more often there are fallen magnolia petals on the dirt: white slivers of silk just laying on the brown, dead dirt. somehow the contrast is sad, yet poetic.

despite the lack of spring color and budding growth, the magnolia continues to blossom. the crabapple tree on the side is growing pink blossoms, and the trees behind the shed are sprouting little green leaves and white petals. it's a longer lasting display of growth and love and rebirth, and i appreciate it every time i look out my back window, pull into the carport, or walk through the side lawn. something is growing, spring is here.

threesome.

(...three movies, one snowy day. what's a girl to do?)

(...watch 'em).

it's a beautiful snowy day here in colorado.

well, it wasn't this morning... this morning when i woke up, i threw on a tank top and yoga pants, leashed the girls up, and off we went for a nice long walk in the warm sun. then i went to church in open toed, spring shoes, and came out of church to dark clouds and spitting rain. twenty minutes later, it was a bonafide spring snow storm: huge, fluffy white flakes, falling at an alarming rate (at least for april). i cancelled any plans for the afternoon that involved leaving the house, i called miss l, threw on some sweat pants and waited.

she arrived a few minutes later with a movie. we watched and lounged. loved.

i texted a friend, asked him to come be lazy. he came over a few minutes later, we made popcorn, started movie number two. double loved.

miss l and i went to the grocery store after movie number two ended, and friend left. we returned with bags and bags of groceries, some qdoba (heaven on earth = qdoba's mexican gumbo) and movie number three.

two painful hours later, movie number three (so bad. sooo so so bad) was over, and our lazy day was complete. we did nothing*.

mission accomplished!

photo complements of miss l. i was too lazy to take a pic today.

*nothing means walked the dogs, churched, cleaned the bathrooms and grocery shopped. and watched three movies. glorious.

liar...

(...liar, pants on fire)

negative one.

that's the high, in degrees, today.

farenheit.

waking up is so hard

(...especially when it looks like this outside)

BUT, to inspire you to get up and at 'em, and to even lift some weights (or bananas, or potatoes) watch this vlog (video blog) here, by one of my favorite bloggers, c.jane. please note her headband, which i would like one of. and her hilarious dramatic husband. who i would also like one of.



muted

it's snowing today. finally. it's almost january and it's, essentially, the first real snow of our winter. hello, winter. it's nice to meet you! i forgot what you were like...

what is winter like, you ask? well....in my perfect world, winter is:

*white. no dirty snow
*snowy. big, fluffy flakes falling often.
* cold, but not windy, and not frigid. or icy.
* cozy. in dream winterland, i'd be able to work from home all the time.
* full of hot chocolate, tea, and lattes. warm drinks are so good for warming up.
* sweatpants and hooded sweatshirts, furry boots, fur lined gloves, stylish hats and fun scarves.
* black dogs covered in snowflakes, crack-runs of excitement through the living room
* afternoon naps and cars that scrape/heat themselves before you get in.
* quiet. snow mutes things, the everyday life is much quieter when it's snowing.

mostly, i like the idea of the quiet right now. at least as i watch the snow fall right now, i am amazed the most at the quietness of it all. the roads are quieter, the world feels softer and padded with insulation. it absorbs the ambient noises of life, and leaves nothing... just empty, snow-filled air. sounds soak into the snowflakes on the ground, on the trees, into snowflakes in the air. sometimes it's so muted that i can hear the snowflakes themselves just gently falling. that's the best part.

sometimes i would like a mute button in my real life. i'd like my head to stop going round and round in incessant circles, reasoning out the same past experiences, writing the same lists, counting the same workouts. i'd like to not hear my dogs bark in the middle of the night to go out to play, or the dog next door bark at any and all times, just because he's been left out. i'd like to not hear the doorbell ring when my friendly neighbor comes over for a visit, just to stay and chat... and chat... and chat... i'd like to not hear the judgmental tone in my head when my jeans are too tight or my stomach feels huge. i'd like to not hear the little doubting voice that shows up when all my friends talk about their upcoming proposals, engagements, weddings, babies. i'd like to quiet the taunting, singsongy voice that shows up when i'm feeling guilty; i'd like to silence the pity parties when i find myself alone, and the evil 'you should be' voice that constantly plays in the background.

i'd like the snow to fall in my head, for just one day- absorbing the sounds of my life, and muting them to quiet. i'd like to hear my life just happen- just life, falling gently from the sky. i know that i have the power to turn on my own mute button- i just don't know how. i don't know how to keep my head from spinning in circles, or the dogs to stop barking, or how to quiet the insecurities that i know are just insidious little traps. but i know i can. can anyone tell me how to create my own mental snowglobe?

in the meantime, i'm going to cuddle up in my favorite sweatpants, hooded sweatshirt, fur lind boots and fuzy blanket. i'm going to sit in my favorite chair, and watch the snow fall and cuddle my dogs, and read a good book. i may even drift into dreamland. but i'm going to start with me, absorbing the soundless snow and making it my own.

happy winter!

double update.

after the winter weather advisory alerts and the weathery blog, i anticipated a storm to a-blow in... which would have been greatly fun for the night of christmas presents and ice skating i had planned. secretly, i was excited for a little snowy Christmas evening.

unfortunately (or fortunately), it was 60 degrees last night, with a warm december breeze blowing over us as we skated through belmar. it was lovely.

and weird.

maybe colorado is redefining winter weather this year.

update

(seriously)

in the twelve minutes since i've posted this blog, i have received three 'winter advisory weather' notices on my phone, for serious winter weather snow accumulations from now until 4am.

i should have knocked on wood harder.

it is december, right?

(...just checking)

colorado has funny weather. and by funny, i mean awesome. it's sunny about 300 days of the year, and it's dry, meaning the cold is bearable because it doesn't chill you to the bones and the heat is bearable because it doesn't melt you into a puddle of humidity and sweat. and, as the saying goes, if you don't like the weather, just wait ten minutes- it'll change.

despite the bipolar weather patterns, though, one thing is usually constant each winter: snow. especially at this time of year. usually there is snow by halloween (to my chagrin, i don't remember a halloween as a kid where i did not have to incorporate my winter coat into my costume). (which by the way, always made me mad). (especially when i was a flamenco dancer). this halloween, there was no snow. it was nice; nice enough to walk the dogs in light jackets while the kids trick or treated. 'ah, this is what it's supposed to feel like in october!' i thought to myself.

november is (usually) no different. most thanksgivings are cold and snowy on the outside, but warm and mushy on the inside. by the time thanksgiving rolls around, all the leaves have usually fallen off the trees and it feels like winter, not fall. this year, however, it was a classic autumn day: sunny and crisp, crunchy leaves outside and football inside. i remember thinking that this is what fall is supposed to look like, colored leaves and leather boots for more than a few days! i was grateful for much this year, including real fall weather.

now it's december. mid-december, actually. and still, no snow. in fact, today (high of 65), i walked the dogs in a sweatshirt and jeans. no gloves. didn't bring a coat to work. over the weekend, it dipped to a chilly 42 degrees, but still no snow.

now, i don't want to complain, i really don't: snow is a pain more often than not, and i know that my house is staying all the cleaner because of the dryness. however.... seriously, colorado?! seriously? this is your winter?!

i say that as a homeowner: my lawn and bulbs need water, and i'm conflicted about whether to get the hose out again. i say that as a fashionista: i have a lot of warm weather clothes that are begging to get worn. i say that as a driver: i bought a four wheel drive a few years ago and justify my gas mileage during the summer with thoughts of harsh winters ahead. i say that as a dog-owner: snow is, by far, the best weather for my dogs to run around in, look cute, and enjoy life. (also great weather to justify a vetoed dog walk). and, i say it as a coloradoan: we pride ourselves on our weather, and if we're honest, our state is a little behind the game here.

that said, i knock on wood, cause knowing colorado, the big blizzard of the year is right around the corner and i may be snowed in for days. in fact, i haven't checked outside yet today, i should go take a peek to see if it's already started....

two sides of the same coin.

...morning wisdom

pro: i live so close to work that i can leave when i am supposed to be there and i'll only be three minutes late. i don't have to plan or worry about traffic. probably one of the most underappreciated/understated amazing things of my life at this time.

con: in the winter, my car is so very cold in the mornings. i live close enough to work that the heat doesn't kick in until right about as i'm pulling into my parking spot. brrrrrrrrrrrr.

all in a day

this is a day in my life. well, 24 hours in my life...

1. babysitting the harper boys, my new favorite past time. 2, 4 & 5. taking time to admire the leaves in the front yard, back yard and drive to church. 3. secretly listening to a dad and his kids speak only spanish at a mini-table at the coffee shop. 6. loving my gourd collection. 7. sitting next to dad and daughter doing homework- learning the letter 'b'. 8. seeing an adorable trio of pups outside the coffeeshop, one with a bandana that said 'security'. 9. making homemade jam.

oh hello.

it feels like it's been awhile, dear friends. i have been thinking a LOT about blogging, yet have not gotten around to it. laziness at it's best- isn't there some saying about best laid intentions or plans? insert that here, please.

i like to blog about my experiences, what i'm learning in life, and little funny stories God speaks to me through my everyday life. lately, my experience and what i am learning is: in the mornings these days, it is dark. like, at 6:00am, when i'm usually up and getting ready, i'm really still in bed, feeling like it's 5:00am. and i think the world agrees with me, cause from what i know, this weekend is daylight savings, which means we fall back an hour (praise praise praise) and now at 6:00am, it will be what it looks like at 7:00am. which means a little more sun in the morning, to get me moving. i know that daylight savings is a weird, archaic thing from the farming/agricultural days, and places like arizona just don't do it anymore. but to those that keep it around here in denver, i thank you.

the dark makes me so unfunctional. i notice this in winter too, because as it gets darker earlier at night, i hibernate and feel like the world is done. then i look at the clock and realize that it's like 6:00pm, and there is no excuse for me climbing into bed that early.

to celebrate the fact that i got to work today before the sun was fully risen, i left a note for a coworker who was, oddly enough, at work before me. i was surprised to see the light in her office shining out her doorway as i climbed the dark stairwell, and i thought, 'if i, who am normally here at this time, am baffled by the darkness, i cannot imagine how hard a dark, early morning at the office is for this typical late-comer! she needs some motivation!'

hopefully these rainbow-brite post-its brite-ened her day!

my closet: skeletons and wrapping paper

today marked the first day of real, true fall. last night the temperature dropped enough to warrant a real jacket, and this morning a light rain started, and has been petering on and off throughout the day. it's been cloudy and cold, and thanks to this first real rain, my jeep is lightly skidding over the newly wet, oil-slicked streets. we turned on the heat in the house, i'm drinking tea as i go to bed, and i'm wearing slippers.

most importantly, i traded my summer wardrobe out for my fall/winter wardrobe.

this means talking winter clothes out of the guest closet, into my room, and hanging them up. this also means going through my closet and pulling out all purely summer clothes and putting them away in a fashion in which they will not be a wrinkled, knotted mess in 6 months. it means taking things off hangers, organizing, folding and then re-hanging things on hangers. it means donations to goodwill.

it also means i become aware of how silly i am about hangers.

i am very particular about which hangers hang up which clothes, and which hangers i want to use for specific, certain shirts. in fact, as i was cleaning, i noticed how much i depend on hanger varieties:

and, as much as i do not want to admit it, i have discovered i am a hoarder. of weird, certain things... like, specifically purses, and gift wrapping material. see below for exhibit a and exhibit b:

exhibit a: (please note these are my purses, in between a goodwill pile and a 'to be folded/summer clothes' pile. there are about 20 purses):

 exhibit b: yes, everything you see between the two bookshelves is material to wrap presents... boxes, bags, paper, bows. oh, and party hats. how, and more importantly WHY, am i collecting this all?

 i have too much.

too many clothes (even though that seems like an oxymoron). too many boxes. too many bows. too many hangers. too many ribbons, and papers and bags and sweaterdresses and tshirts and skirts. i have too much, and i keep it all.

this has led me to focus, today, on my blessings. i am blessed, beyond measure, to live in a home, a city, a state, a country where i can have too much. i can hoard boxes and dresses and hangers, and in reality, i bet most people wouldn't tell you i have too much (well, maybe too many gift wrapping things. that's freakin' insane). but honestly, i live in a place where my comfort is achievable every single day. i never want for anything; if i really want something, i go buy it. if life is 'tough', i have to wait a few weeks, maybe even months, before i can save enough to buy it.

this is not just limited to my closets, clothes and otherwise. i have so much- so many friends, so many opportunities, so many people that love me, so much. again, i am blessed beyond measure, and i want for nothing. i not only have a house, but a home, filled with food, furniture, 2 dogs, a roommate and things i don't need. if this were to somehow disappear, i would have my parents' house, filled with food, furniture, 2 dogs (funny enough), family and love. there is little that i can truly say is missing in my life. 

i have so much. when i reflect on all these blessings, it makes me think of others who don't have. who want for something every day. for patrick the vampire from hell who is hungry and standing in the rain. for the women i've met in africa, who can barely provide for their 3 or 4 kids, let alone eat for themselves. for those in far away countries or nearby cities where it's not the norm to have your own car or a family that loves you.

we learned in church today about cheerful giving. giving because we are provided for, and we will be provided for more when we give away more. honestly, i missed most of the sermon cause i was late (running a race) but what i took away was this: give. God has given us so much. i may not feel like i have a million dollars (i don't), a fancy car (just a regular car) or an amazing, well paying job (a have three great, semi- well paying jobs), but i have so much more, and what i have is not counted in my possessions.

i give during the week, emotionally, physically and financially. but there is always room for more to give. i want to give cheerfully, and i want to give more, so that i can get more back, in order to give even more. it's a weird, never-ending cycle that will not only reap rewards for those i am giving to, but for me in seeing the benefits of my giving. that's why we are called to give. we must give away what we have- giving away, in order to be filled.

now that's an oxymoron i like better than having too many clothes.

fall treats

usually fall treats, for me, include and are mostly limited to, pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. however, i had a hankering for something new this week, yet equally as fallish. i chose something that holds some deliciousness and nostalgia: caramel popcorn balls.

to make them more october-y, i added chocolate chip eyes and smiles, and black licorice stems to make them look (in theory) like jack-o-lanterns!

yum.