kansas and beyond.

i so desperately want to write something. 

something poignant and meaningful and something that will just make both me and you stop and think and say, "ohhhhh, that's what it's all about!" or something equally weighty and life changing. i mean, that's not too much to ask for a simple blog post, right? 

reality is, i got nothing. 

i'm so tired today. and every day right now, really, if we're honest. not that you aren't- i think we are all chronically tired and over-committed but that's a post for the other day. 

i am tired but i want to write. writing is my way of figuring out my brain, of taking a step back and digesting it all and making sense of how i feel. a self-check that allows me to step outside of my current situation and reflect and put the pieces together. it's usually so refreshing and healing for me to write. i haven't done that in a long time and i so want to! but right now, i've got nothing in the ways of meaning and insight. i'm just plodding along, each day, trying to get through the hard stuff and enjoy the small stuff. 

have you ever felt like this? like, you take a step back and realize that you're in the middle of a bunch of groundhog days, doing the same thing over and over? it's sort of discouraging or demotivating to realize that. but do you know what? 

i think it's totally normal. 

i see people in my job, each day, that sit on my couch and tell me how bored they are with day to day stuff. i work with people that want to add pizzazz, sparkle, life into their lives. and sometimes, they could really afford to jazz it up a little (if we're honest), but most of the time, (if we're still being honest), they are just experiencing life. and i always tell them the same, discouraging but (i believe) realistic thing: life is sort of like kansas- it's mostly the same thing but with small pops of joy here and there. that instead of waiting and longing for the pops of joy, you must settle in and embrace the flatland that is life, and enjoy the pops when they come.

and while that may sound depressing on one hand, i feel like it's sort of comforting in the other. to know that this monotony is part of life; to know that things, no matter how wildly they may swing from one extreme to the other, will most likely find homeostasis in the neutral, boring, flat land of kansas. to know that life's crazy will eventually flatten out to something comforting, familiar, predictable allows me to enjoy the crazy moments a little more. it allows me to have patience in the extreme times. it allows me to be more present in the silly, fun, precious moments that pop up anytime because i know that they won't always be there. and it allows me to know that, this too shall pass..

today, our sweet little 7 year old neighbor boy brought us over some cookies that his family made us just because. just because they know we are in tough times. they can't make the times easier, they can't fix or take away. but they can love us in the midst of the crazy swings and pray alongside us and love on us until we flatten back out to kansas-territory. and that's pretty cool.  

so, while we continue to encounter unpredictable peaks and valleys that, some days, feel like just too much, i am going to continue to find the joy in the sweet things that get us through to the boring, flat places. 

which basically means i'm eating cookies and wine for dinner. 

in case you were wondering.