drastic measures

...i blame it on my pregnancy

i am now in my third trimester, and i feel very pregnant. no question about it. a lady* asked me the other day how pregnant i was, and without even skipping a beat, i answered, "100% pregnant."

*this lady will receive a cameo in an upcoming blog post about my recent aquatic adventures. stay tuned*

now, before you stop reading because you think this will be a long laundry list of pregnancy complaints, hear me out. i am in no way complaining about pregnancy. yes, there are extremely weird aches and pains i've never felt before, slippery memories and emotional outbursts, and seemingly huge rotund parts of my body that get in the way of doing simple things, like picking up a dropped set of keys or something. yes, pregnancy is unpleasant, and i feel like a turducken most of the time, but guess what? it's also awesome. awesome in the way the word is supposed to be used- awe-inspiring awesome. i mean, there is a human, inside of me, growing. i'm GROWING A HUMAN. i feel it move, and kick, and roll and react inside of me. it makes my belly jump in small spasms all day, and i can feel, from the outside, the little baby limbs that will be here, in person, to make up the body that will be my actual, real-live son or daughter. i mean honestly, that's hard to beat.

if that's not enough, pregnancy also gives you an amazing excuse to do stupid things, and totally get away with it.

for instance...

last night i wanted chocolate. a normal, non-pregnant me would have sucked it up and said too bad, so sad, no chocolate in the house. (i'd also like to believe that non-pregnant me probably wouldn't crave chocolate by the bucketful every single night either). but pregnant me said, "no chocolate in the house? baloney. i'll make some." and then i proceeded to make individual servings of chocolate cake in a mug for me and him, which we ate in bed, while watching mythbusters, Breaking Bad edition. and it was totally acceptable, because i am pregnant and growing a child.

mine actually looked nothing like this. more like a haphazard, desperate attempt at a midnight snack.

note to husbands: do NOT try to take away chocolate from a woman that can argue she worked hard all day growing an arm, or a leg, or an extra organ for you soon-to-be child inside of her own body. she will always win, and she will always deserve cake, preferably in bed. while watching the office.

another note: pregnancy allows him to do silly things, like indulge in chocolate cravings with his wife every night- even when he "really doesn't like dessert that much". see, it's a win-win, really...

another instance of sheer ridiculousness that is completely excusable by belly is buying tickets to a meet-and-greet with one of my all-time favorite musicians, brett dennen. on the surface, this looks completely undeserved of an excuse, and maybe even rational- especially if you realize how cheap the tickets actually were, and that they came with his new album and an autographed poster. yes, this decision seems completely reasonable... until you understand the show is a mere 11 days after our baby is due.

brett dennen then- a barefooted, guitar-yielding hipster

now, i have never given birth, nor do i have any children, but one thing i do know for certain is that babies, and labor, is unpredictable. as lovely as the idea of a 'due date' sounds, i know babies show up when, and how, they want. i am very aware that i may be actually recovering in the hospital, or even in labor, or just plain tired and crazy after being a first-time mom for a week or so. but guess what? pregnancy is my excuse (i will deserve a night out, after all i did the last 40+ weeks in growing and birthing a human, right?!). so i bought these tickets and i cannot freakin' wait to shake the hand of my very favorite red-headed giant pot-smoking hipster.

brett dennen now- as hipster as they come. but still barefoot!

so there you have it. three amazing reasons that pregnancy is great- you get to grow a real-live human, you can eat as much chocolate as you want, and you can  make extreme date-night purchases.... and all are (or should be) considered within reason.

after all, i grew extra organs in my body today. what other excuse do i need?