the pied piper

(kaci the toolman taylor)

so it's official: i'm a plumber.

or at least can play one on tv. 

remember that one busted pipe picture i posted a week or so ago? well, i went to fix that, like any money-saving, able-bodied, do-it-yourself home owner would do, and guess what? i did it! it wasn't even that hard... it was the other, hidden pipes that posed the real plumbing challenge.

i went to home depot, armed with a loaded bank account, a phone picture of the busted pipe, and a willing attitude. i found the plumbing aisle, then found someone that actually worked in the plumbing aisle and showed him my phone, saying, "hi. this is my pipe. can you tell me how i can fix it?"

"well, how big is it?" he asks. 

i look at him, i look at the picture and i show it to him again, and say, "this big". i clearly have no idea. 

"is it copper?" 

i look at him, i look at the picture, and i show it to him again, and say, "it's made out of this". again, no idea. "i know it's not plastic, i know it's not...yes. yes, i'll say it's copper and it's about this big around", as i make a completely made-up sized circle with my thumb and forefinger. 

"ok great, i can definitely help you! what you need is this..." and i followed him around the corner to the other aisle. 

he was a kind, kind man and he explained in very simple terms the very simple way to use a plumbing repair part called a 'shark bite'. all i needed was the shark bite ($14), a pipe cutter ($8) and a roll of sandy tape ($3) to rub down the rough edges i'd be cutting. perfect. i could do this. i even bought two different sizes of shark bites, since i didn't know the exact size my pipe, and that way i could just return the extra at my convenience rather than come back if i chose the wrong size.

valiantly, confidently, i walked out the door, shark bites in hand, ready to try my hand at plumbing and be my own handyman!

twenty minutes later, at home, i'm in the shed, sizing up the pipe and it's issues. i follow the man's instructions carefully, happily surprised that cutting a pipe (in an obvious, easily-accessible location) is so easy. i cut, sand, and place the shark bite on it with ease. the process took maybe five minutes. maybe even four. i was incredulously surprised at how easy it was, and proud that i had taken the step to do it myself. 

i turned on the water to test for leaks, and checked it out: nothing! sealed, and done. i clapped my hands in celebration of myself and my handiwork.

then i hear the sound of splashing water, and look closely to the left, behind a huge, useless water heater (it's attached to the solar panels on the side of the house that don't work). there was water spraying everywhere from behind the heater; i quickly jumped the two weird landings (covered in insulation) and shut the water off. 

a few minutes and good flashlight later, i can see there are two more holes in the same pipe, and they need fixing. encouraged by my last shark bite attack, i feel confident and almost excited i get to do more repairs. also, i felt a little sad that my poor pipes broke so much this winter, and secretly start worrying about the coming winters with the same lil' pipe. 

i run to the depot, and into the plumbing aisle. an orange-apron clad employee asks me if he can help me. i proudly, almost smugly, say knowingly, "yeah, i'm just looking for your snake bites?" like i totally know what im doing. 

"snake bites?" he questions. 

"yes, snake bites. the pipe repair things?"

"oh!" he exclaims, smiling and touching my arm ever so gently. "shark bites, you mean?"

insert blush here. 

"yes! silly me, snake, shark, whatever. plumbing bites. i need 'em". 

he smiles and guides me over, and i mull them over... how many, how many? what size are the holes, what size bites do i need? i decide on three two-inchers- better to be safe than sorry with plumbing, right?

"do you want me to show you how to use those?" says the nice orangey man. 

i laugh, and say, "despite my cluelessness, i did install a shark bite earlier today- i think i've got it" 

he laughs, smiles, gives me an accolade for being a single female doing my own home repair, and off i skip into the sunset, three shark bites in hand. 

***

i get home. it's dark, but i'm excited, widly amped about knowing how to fix something all by myself. i fix the first leak, which is "easily" accessible- a vertical section of pipe i have to access from the top of the weird, insulated landing in the shed. despite being reachable, i have to get up on the landing, turn around, lie down, put my arms out with a flashlight wedged between the water heater and wall, and my tools in hand. it takes me a little longer to cut this one than the first, but i did it. snake.... i mean, shark bite 2.... installed. 2 out of 3 for a beginner isn't bad! 

energized, i try to reach the third: it's way back. just an inch or so beyond my grasp- the landing is just short enough i can't sit on a chair but tall enough i can't sit on my knees/butt either. there's about one inch leeway around the pipe, between the wall, the ground, the heater, and another pipe resting on top. essentialy, it could not be in a worse place.

i try to stick the cutter in... nothing. i try to pull the pipe, nothing. i try this, i try that, a little bit of this, a little bit of that... an hour or so later, i give up, put the tools away, and decide to come back to it the next day. kaci the plumber needs a rest. 

***to be continued***