something dreadful this way comes...

tonight i went to the theatre. and not just theatre, but a masquerade gala theatre event, where we were supposed to dress up in black tie or costume, eat and do a silent auction, then watch the premiere of  'something wicked this way comes' at the aurora fox theatre. i had a dress i could wear, but wanted to dress it up with something fancy- besides, when is the last time i had an occasion to buy anything for? i decided new fun shoes were a must, and shopped here to get free 2nd day shipping- perfect timing for the event. my new pink lovelies were the best date ever!

the masquerade gala event, however, left something to be desired. anything, to be desired really. actually, the masquerade and silent auction piece was fine- dare i say, fun, even? gk picked me up, wearing an lbd* and extremely beautiful sparkling jewels. i pulled out my own lbd*, my pink lovelies and a few fun new hair clips and a 'googley' ring. we were the cat's meow, if i do say so myself. we arrived in style, in her cream colored pt cruiser convertible, and turned a few cops' heads as we walked in (i think they were looking at one of three things: gk's parking job, our 2 foot height difference, or the pink shoes. had to be the shoes).

we mingled through the black clothed tables, found our way to the dinner line and loaded up plates of raviolis in tomato cream sauce, chicken marsala and creamy casesar salad. i even treated myself to a diet coke as we ate and then meandered through the silent auction room. there were some costumes, lots of masks and lots and lots of sequins on old bodies.

we took our seat in the theatre after dinner, second row from the stage, and were introduced to (essentially) the whole city of aurora, including the mayor, the chamber of commerce and the commissioner. we were informed the play they were about to perform, ray bradburys' book 'something wicked this way comes' , had only been adapted for the stage once before, and the producer and friends ended up going to ray's house to get his own thoughts, opinions and ideas for this show.

needless to say, i felt surrounded by glitz and importance.
this was going to be good.

lights out, and sound started: a screen with ray bradbury reading the opening lines came on. silence. then the sound of rain and thunder, in the dark, with the curtain drawn. the anticipation was high. the curtain opened, the play began.

it could not have been weirder.

this play was the worst thing i'd ever seen... from the screaming woman placed strategically in the audience, the carousel horse head gear that looked like organs without skin, the children that couldn't act but could sure shout... from the moving, wrinkly background curtains, washed in grainy projections, to the rickety scaffolding around the stage that served as a 'set'...

this play could not have been worse. it was almost humorous how bad it just kept getting.

the plot centers around a creepy carnival, and from what we could tell, a carousel that goes back and forwards in time, aging the rider either older or younger, depending on the direction. said carousel was made up of three ladies with gold helmets, each adorned with a large, red and spongy attachment, about the size of their torsos, all twisted and turned. they were holding poles, and ropes, and were spinning in a circle, on part of the stage itself that rotated. it started out going backwards, inexplicably, and the one 'rider' i could see was a carnie man. then he jumped off and a carnie kid jumped on. apparently, they are the same person going backwards in time. then some costumed lady in the audience was spotlighted and screamed. the 'strong man' of the carnival, an oversized, doughy twentysomething with a fake mustache and a purple spandex unitard/wrestling singlet, seemingly forgot a set piece on stage, a rolling wagon with drooping, falling curtians. when he then remembered the wagon, he bumped it into the scaffolding a few times, and made a bumbling exit. this was just the first 20 minutes.in short, it was bad.

needless to say, at intermission, the four of us kaiser folk got up, went to the bathroom and left. to pull it off, gk rubbed my back and shot me concerned, worried eyes as we walked around; apparently i had 'a head ache' and needed to leave.

in fact, i did have a headache, from the shouting of those children! i mean, actors.

we went home early-a much welcomed relief. the two diet cokes i drank were not about to keep me up for another hour, and my knees were aching from my earlier run. truth be told: i can't act, nor can i do stage work well. i work with 15 renowned actors who show me the passion and love that go into local theatre. they've taught me to appreciate, and recognize, the work and the effort and the passion these people had put into this play. i really do think they worked hard. i admire that, and know in my heart that their worst, worst acting is miles above my pitiful attempt at it. so i get that, and i give them that.

but still  it was horrible. dreadful. awful. so hard to follow. so hard to sit still through. so poorly acted. so horrible.

HOWEVER: the woman next to me gave me a shoe complement, and wearing them while i walked made me feel tall, sexy and put together. these shoes made the event worth it, and wearing them overshadowed the sad theatre work we saw while i wore the shoes. .

moral of this story: always buy a new pair of shoes before you go out, cause you'll never know when you need a quick pick me up in the middle of a carousel carnival. or gala theatre event. or silent auction. or around the house.


*lbd, for all you men and unknowing women, stands for 'little black dress', an essential for every woman's wardrobe. especially when this woman goes to events like masquerade gala theatre events).