the r word.

i think i am learning to relax.

that, or this head cold is getting the best of me. this weekend, i did what i normally don't do,and that is say no. and stay in. friday, due to some personal doggy issues, i cancelled almost all of my clients and putzed around parker with my sister, wasting time til jola was free to leave the doggy hospital. instead of going home and rushing to get ready for a dinner with friends, i gave in to my inner tiredness and stayed in with my sad dog, leaving only on a whim, in my pajamas, to get fro yo with my roommate and the neighbor.

saturday i forwent the 5k i had signed up for, since the head cold was still lingering, and instead slept in and got ready just in time to make it to a lounge-y leadership training outside in a sunny backyard. that afternoon i took advantage of the sun and weeded the carport. which sounds stupid until you realize that i weeded out literally a dumpster's worth of 5 foot tall weeds. i made cards and watched a movie and went to bed.

this morning, i got up late enough to be sleeping in (for me), and while still nursing a head cold, made it to the church on time. i left as soon as i could, stopping only to drop off a cake order. i then met a friend for fro yo (yes, twice in three days, i'm a champ!) and came home to relaxingly stroll the dogs down to another friend's house to say hi. afterwards i took myself to the gym, to sweat and steam out the lingering head cold.

this weekend i said no to a few social engagements and stayed in with a good book and good company- 8 furry legs and two adorable puppy faces. i did what i wanted, and somehow found a good balance of work and play: the yard work i wanted to do got done, and a long overdue first friend date.

how come it's taken me 28 years and 9 months to find out the freedom in saying no? why does it take a physical ailment to slow me down? even tonight in the steam room was evidence of my pushing nature: i set my timer for 15 minutes. after 10 i knew i had enough, yet i stayed in. after 12, i got up and got out, but as i was wiping my face, i knew it was only three more minutes, so i got back in- literally trying to talk myself into finishing an arbitrarily, self-set time limit.

i can't even let my commitments to myself go without a fight.

this weekend i would blame my head cold for wanting to slow down; however, if i look at the last weekends, this is the 3rd weekend in a row i've relaxed, and enjoyed myself. i hope this remains a pattern of mine. i feel like my gray hairs will cease to grow in and the worry lines on my face may smooth out a little more if i can learn to incorporate this life- head colds and all- into my everyday walk.