such great heights.

the ex never talked to me during the day. he was a coach, didn't have his phone on him, had clients, didn't have things to talk about, we were going to talk later in the day, wasn't by a computer, didn't have down time, wasn't a phone person, you name it, i heard it. normal to me, no big deal.

this boy calls. and texts. a lot. in fact, his dating nickname (cause everyone gets one) is scal: sir calls a lot. scal is a weight-loss coach, doesn't have his phone on him during the day, has clients, talks to me after work, isn't by a computer, doesn't have a lot of down time, and says he's not really a phone person. today he's called once already and texted a lot; yesterday he called three times and texted more.

part of me really likes this: it appeals to the deep down romantic in me that wants to believe in love at first sight and love defying barriers and beating the odds. his calls and attention and sweet affection are all downright adorable.

the other part of me wants to throw up in my mouth a little. i'm suspicious of romance, to be honest, and don't really believe it when i get it. i think it's corny, i think it's silly; to be honest right now, it's overwhelming.

the battle comes, for me, in this: am i outwardly fighting a romance i'm secretly pining for, OR is my inside voice being smart, giving me an internal red light i need to heed to, instead of speed through?i'm confused, because again: on one hand he possesses this (seemingly) emotional availability i've never had in a man; on the other hand, he scares me by offering this (seemingly) emotional availability i've never had in a man.

and, as self-centered as this is, i feel like he's putting on this pedestal that i don't belong on. a really high pedestal. he thinks i'm the greatest thing since shirt pockets, and tells me every time he thinks so. and i know i am going to fall from such great heights.

did i mention we met on sunday?

at church talked on sunday about the fact that life is a path, and we are either heading towards wisdom or foolishness, and our decisions determine our inertia. and the best way to take the path of wisdom, stay on the wise, inertia-ed path, is to examine big decisions in the beginning, before you make them. in other words, way easy to stop before you begin, right?

so. i'm looking at this as a decision with two paths: one towards wisdom and one towards foolishness. which path am i going to take- which decision will create inertia to propel me towards wisdom rather than folly?

the key in making this decision is this: what does GOD want for me?! is scal an answered prayer that i wasn't sure i was ready for, or is he a distraction from what i am holding out for? i've been talking to God a lot about it, but haven't done a lot of listening. i think i need to tune in more.