a lot.
like weirdly a lot. i think it feeds into my secret compulsive tendencies. the idea that i can look at an area of land- grass, garden, mulched area- and see the unsightly weeds, then bend down and spend twenty, thirty, forty minutes just pulling things up, to then stand up to the vast visible improvement.... there's just something so satisfying about it. plus it's easy with the end of the project in sight: you can see the weeds that need to go, and keep pulling, and when they are gone, they are gone. nothing more to do until they come back. i have a hard time stopping in the middle of weeding- knowing this, i set my watch timer last night to only 20 minutes, vowing to stop when it beeped. (i actually started with 15, but knew i wouldn't be able to stop at just 15, so i bumped it up to 20). it beeped after 20 minutes, but i could see the end in sight, so i kept pulling- ignoring my earlier desire to go to bed early. 20 more minutes later, and barely being able to see as darkness crept in, the whole front was weeded, and so much cleaner looking (at least in the dark). oh the satisfaction of 40 minutes well spent!
i like especially like weeding dandelions. they come out of the ground relatively easy, with a satisfying 'pop' as you pull them from their roots. and they are easy to weed, and usually i can get the whole long root to come out, which feels like i'm doing really good work- seeing the hole the large roots have left in the dirt. i also like the white, milky substance that bubbles up from the stem when you pull them out- it reminds me that nature is at work, and the dandelions- although ugly weeds- are growing plants too.
i wish that weeding my thoughts and habits was as easy as weeding dandelions. i want to be able to take a walk with God, through the garden of my life, and have Him point out the dandelions and weeds, and then just be able to bend down, grasp the leaves and wrap my hand around the base of the weed and just pull. 'POP' go my problem areas- leaving small, deep holes that will eventually be filled in with dirt, grass, other yard-ly things. however, i fear that my weedy thoughts and habits are not easy dandelions: they seem to be those prickly, hard-to-pull out, green-leafed weeds: the ones i think i can pull out alone, but after trying once or twice, i walk away with stickers in my hands as i go to get my gloves. those prickly weeds are the worst, because their roots are deep and complicated, and they grow like... well, weeds. i could pull a whole forest of them out on monday, and have to re-pull them all again by friday.
that's how my sins are, i think. prickly. deep. hard to pull out. complicated roots. i can't pull them out alone- as i need gloves to weed my yard, i need God to weed my sins, my everyday life. and even if He and i weed it out on sunday, it seems i'm weeding the same stuff later that week- sometimes as early as monday. it's amazing to me how quickly my sins- pride, selfishness, lust, worldly desires especially- grow so quickly. this leads me to wonder how i stay more connected with God- the One that helps me pull them out in the first place is obviously the one to turn to, to keep them out. staying in constant connection with Gardener of my life will, ultimately, keep my weeds at bay.
i guess this is just another definition of my long obsession.
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