si.

it's been a while since i've written. it's funny how life has it's ups and downs, and writing comes more easily when i have less going on, and seems to go out the window once things pick up. lately, things have picked up, and i'm remembering what it's like to be social, so naturally sitting down at my computer, alone with my contemplative thoughts is not first on my agenda.

let me 'splain.

being in a serious relationship for over a year, my social circle expanded to his friends, and narrowed when my friends moved away and i didn't take time to make new ones. it was easy; being with my best friend at all times, i didn't feel the need to be social or feel like i was missing out on anything. now, sans said best friend, i am learning how to get back into the swing of life.

i am remembering things i like to do. parts of my personality that were dormant when i was in a relationship are now coming back to life, and it's surprising and enjoyable, if not a little disconcerting. for instance, i stayed up past 11pm every single night this week. now, i know that may not sound like a significant thing, but to be honest, that was a serious step for me! and, i stayed up not for the sake of staying up, but because i was busy, doing things. things with friends- weddings, taco tuesdays, nuggets games, etc. things i said yes to instead of no.

i consider myself a 'yes' girl... i like to try (almost) anything at least once- i would much rather say i did something and didn't like it than say i've never tried it and am not sure. being a 'yes' girl translates into doing somethings i would not necessarily like to do, but don't want to miss out on- just in case. and that translates, sometimes, into being uncomfortable. but also into awesome situations i would never really dream up on my own. take for instance, my baking business. or doing therapy with the church. or running a full marathon. or going to africa- all products of saying yes. (please note, other products of 'yes' include living in the basement of the 'hood with scary dogs, charging too much on my credit card at target, over-committing my time with friends, and getting a whole new puppy without even thinking. compulsion has it's pluses, and minuses).lately, my YG attitude has permeated my dating life- which in reality really just means a lot of weird first dates and living in the gray area of dating rather than black and white. which, although uncomfortable, i am learning to appreciate- and maybe even like.

there is a balance, however. i cannot always say yes; i know that because sometimes the yes goes against the intuitive, inside voice i strive to hear- the one that sometimes says 'no, this is not good for you'. this reminds me of a discussion i've been having with my small group: the difference between good, and excellent. in the book of phillipians, paul challenges us to strive to discern what is best for us. the key word here is 'best'; it is easy to see the difference between what is good for us and not so good for us. the trick lies in figuring out what is good for us, and what is BEST for us. it's harder than it sounds.

i think that saying yes is good for me- like i mentioned earlier, i've gotten way more out of life by saying yes than saying no. however, my yeses have also gotten me into predicaments where i am led to question if what i am doing is the BEST for me... i'm not doing something bad for me by saying yes, but could i be doing something better for me by saying no?