Surprises, you say?

i am twenty seven.

i am a girl.

i am cresting the stage in my life where my friends are getting, or have gotten, married, and am now reaching the stage where many women in my life are going the next step....

they are pregnant. or have been pregnant. or are trying to be pregnant. or know someone who is pregnant so they talk a lot about pregnancy.

don't get me wrong- i like babies, i even want one or two of my own someday. however, the whole pregnancy/mini-human-inside-you thing is still a little bit alien to me, and seeing my friends go through it and transform into cooing adult females is... well, weird. now most of it happens so fast i don't think i realize it, and before i know it, i'm talking with them about whether they are going to have epidurals or go natural, or if they have a doula or what birthing class they are going to take. all comes pretty naturally, i guess, when you're enveloped in the situation and have been socialized the way we have.

however, as i was listening to the radio the other day, a couple came on and had a very public 'discussion' over finding out the sex of their impending arrival. he wanted to know, she didn't; this is not a new argument, i'm sure. i've heard both sides, of course, but it was the woman's words that really struck me this day: "there are just not enough surprises in this world". while i've heard this reasoning before, this time it made me pause...

i'm sorry, what world are you living in?

in my world, my whole life is a surprise... take for example, today. i had no idea i would spend all day fighting with an IT guy and knowing more than him; i didn't anticipate or plan on having a walk with neysa this afternoon; i didn't think i would have time to walk jola alone; i stood in front of my closet for ten minutes thinking about one outfit, but left in a completely different one, to my own surprise. apparently i can even surprise myself.

of course, one may argue that while yes, those are surprises, they are not surprises like finding out the gender of your baby. in fact, my wednesday work outfit surprise pales in comparison to finding out the essential future socialization of the life you've created. plus, in the end i chose my outfit, and the baby does not choose their gender... totally different right? yes, i get that. but in that case i would point to the bigger surprises in my own life...

for example: it astonished me to find out that i am actually capable of starting a baking business that has potential. it's a sad shock to me that i did not marry my ex. it's mind-boggling to me that i ended up in recovery for addiction and eating disorders at the age of 23 year old. it's surprising to me that i found what i wanted to do when i grow up, and that my desires stem from my life experience in addiction. it baffles my mind that i have chosen (and made happen) a trip to africa that starts in three days. i am amazed and surprised that i've committed to giving the rest of my life to serve a God i didn't think i believed in for years.

in short, my life is one big surprise. sometimes it is a surprise that happens upon me and i get to just roll with it, sometimes it is myself that surprises me by the choices and actions i take. what's amazing to me, though, is that some people would assume that their lives are not equally as full of surprises, and that finding out the gender of your baby fulfills the need for something surprising in life. i guess what i am driving at is that i think we all need to take more time to reflect, think about where we started, where we've been, where we're going, but most importantly- where we are. right now. at this moment. is it surprising to you?